Hopeless Hearts
by Art Is Dead
Summary: Jake goes to visit Dirk in Texas for a month, only to be bombarded with drama and conflicting emotions. Rated M for future smut, language and drug/alcohol analogies.
1. Prologue

/-/ Hey guys! This is the first fanfiction I have decided to post on the internet, due to a few requests of others. I would greatly appreciate constructive criticism, and suggestions as well. Updates will vary, since I tend to write only during school hours (unless if I decide to write any other time, which rarely happens) and I also...despise copying down written work on to the computer, but I'll do it anyways, though it'll be a slow process.

Yes, I purposefully did not reveal names until Dirk and Jake's official meeting. And yes, the comments about time going slow, and then about it going so fast is supposed to be a JOKE.

Also, let me know if I made any mistakes and I will edit it all! \-\

Prologue-  
It was a shock that there wasn't a moat dug in the floor simply from nervously induced excessive pacing. A pair of feet had been shuffling back and forth, only stopping for moments at a time to contemplate silent topics before starting right back on routine. The action was nearly becoming habitual; as if it were meant to be; as if the apartment bedroom were stuck on repeat for eternity. Eventually, however, the rut was ceased. A tall, lanky figure found itself to its bed amongst the ever present clutter. Exhausted simply from thinking too hard, it fell on the mattress. The light was dim. A lime-green glowing digital clock taunted, crawling by slower than time should crawl. 9:30. There was another hour before the plane would land. He had already changed four times, and he still felt overdressed. A black vest, tight fitting black jeans, and a long sleeved button up orange dress shirt. His stomach churned nervously, why was this such a big deal? Everything, every plan, every word and reaction had been analyzed and over-analyzed in his head. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing, that is, but everything. But, he would just put on his best blank face and pretend like his heart was not breaking.

What was he thinking? His plans had not quite gone haywire yet. He just needed to breathe now, to take it easy. His hand clenched tight around the bouqet in his grasp. There was no doubt he had snapped more than a few stems, but the tops of the flora still looked picture-perfect. That was a relief, at least. 9:33. Sheesh, this was excruciating. He had ran out of time to slip in the shower, or at least by his usual time allotted. He would no doubt leave his guest alone at the airport for hours if he hopped in now. Just for good measure, he lifted his arm and took a whiff. The pleasant aroma of cologne and pomegranate soap assaulted his nostrils. There was another positive thing.

Shaded eyes searched the bedroom, making sure it was tidy enough. He was swiftly reminded that the only cleaning he'd done was to clear a space for the air mattress against the opposite wall. Shit. Oh well, it seemed more like a guy's room that way. After all, he didn't want to come off as trying too hard. That would be obscene.

A Strider doesn't give anyone special treatment.

Right?

Of course not. That's offensively unironic. Absurd. Or so he told himself.

9:45.

Where did the time go? He still had plenty of leisure before he had to hop in his car and drive to the airport, but he figured that being behind the wheel would do his nerves a world of good.

It was a process trying to peel himself from the bed. From his position, and an unwillingness to move much for a better opportunity to stand, about a minute was wasted purely on an attempt to get back on his feet.

Not another word would ever be spoken of the event.

Distressed and paranoid, he made a quick dash to the bathroom to primp his hair before finally grabbing his keys and exiting the apartment. A heavy, distasteful ball settled in the bottom of his stomach. He felt sick. The bouqet trembled in his grasp. A yellow petal fell, betraying the group.

The hallway was narrow. Someones door was left wide open across the hall. A few doors down music pumped through, and loud voices were heard. He sighed, wishing his rowdy neighbors could be relocated for the next month.

Thankfully it was a quick trip out of the apartment building. On the streets, car horns beeped, people walked hastily. These people had destinations, jobs, families. Issues, generally. Issues much bigger than his. He breathed the muggy city air and crossed the road to the parking garage, where his prized orange Ford Edge was held in wait.

A homeless man sat in an empty parking space. It was unclear as to whether or not the individual was dead, or snoozing soundlessly. Discovering which was true was futile, and so the orange-clad figure crawled in to the drivers side of his car and put the key in the ignition. The clock on his radio, which smoldered a bright orange read 9:49. Deciding it was a healthy time to assume he was ready to leave, he quickly dispatched the bouquet in to the passenger seat and pulled out of his parking space skillfully and effortlessly. Evidently the other was sleeping, since the noise of the engine jolted him awake. The shaded silhouette behind the wheel gave a polite wave, a bit of a smirk, and drove off with not a single word.

The second he pulled on to the road, his nerves cooled. A concentrated being, his focus remained entirely on the road. Wandering of the mind was unforgivable He avoided it at all costs, and with ineffable ease.

With slow-moving city streets, it took a few minutes to reach the expressway. Thankfully, however, everything from that point was fast paced and stop-and-go free.

That is, at least, until he began to approach his exit.

He had no idea what happened, but it ticked him right off. Perhaps someone spun out, or blew a tire. Maybe someone didn't look before changing lanes, and caused a collision. Either option, he didn't care.

9:58.

He was almost there. He could see up the ramp, could read the signs directing, taunting him to the airport... and yet he was caged in on all sides.

Traffic was a bitch.

9:59

He was going to be late, he just knew it. Frustration pulsed through his veins as naturally as blood and as lethally as cyanide. It stung. He ignored the burn.

10:01

The very thought of the plane landing, of that one passenger being even remotely near him sent his heart racing.

This was ridiculous.

10:03

His car had only moved a foot.

Built up with anger, his shaded eyes sought the colorful bouquet next to him. He took it in to his grasp, rolled down the window, and threw it in to the still air.

Somehow, he felt relieved. Only enough to release the air in his lungs he'd been saving, though.

10:05, and another foot.

The sirens were deafening, and so he flicked on the radio. Blinded by anger to every sense, he didn't even recognize the tune, or if there was one at all. He just knew that whatever it was, it drowned out the noise of police cars and ambulances.

A few more feet, 10:10.

His exit was only a few cars ahead of hi, but with lack of a separate deceleration lane, he had no choice but to wait it out. The airport was another 20 minutes away.

Someone honked.

10:12

Disastrous. This. Was. Disastrous The shoulder of the road looked awfully tempting. It beckoned to him. For a moment he considered it, but his right mind shot down the suggestion almost immediately. The cars inched forward. He groaned loudly, regretting the decision to toss out the bouquet since maybe if he'd kept it he could be pulling petals off of roses and daisies to occupy himself. Looking in the mirror outside his window, he saw it was only about five feet behind him. It wasn't worth the trip.

10:15

He had fifteen minutes to get there, already late. The plane was probably landed by now. However, he decided not to dote on that subject, for it made him feel light-headed and nauseous. An active imagination that had on more than one occasion betrayed him was cooking up an image of his best friend standing there alone, a pout on his lips, a month's worth of luggage in tow, and no ride or someone to keep him company.

10:20, and yet another foot. The exit was in his grasp, yet so immeasurably far.

He could have put his car in park if he wanted to, but the thought of attempting it made things seem even more unbearable.

10:22

It wasn't until the ambulance sirens began to get quieter that he realized the accident was cleared. As a result, he turned his radio off, indulging in the silence. Traffic picked up again, moving a bit faster than it had been before. He almost screamed from relief and contentment.

The ramp was like an entrance in to tranquility. He'd still be late, that was unavoidable, but if he rushed he could make it in about half the time.

10:25

A red light. It was frustrating, but it passed quickly. He sped down the road, exceeding the speed limit quickly. Good time was being made, he noted, able to breathe easily again. That was until he got caught behind someone who moving at a crawl. Unfortunately, someone in the next lane was blocking his ability to maneuver around the other driver.

"Holy shit. These people can't be serious."

His throat had felt dry from not speaking for hours, and the sounds that came out of his mouth were raspy and unclear. He swallowed to soothe the desert residing inside his body. From instinct, his hand hit the horn. A ripping, ear-piercing noise tore through the air. The person in front of him stuck their pale arm out the window and flashed him the bird. The nail was a sharp splotch of yellow atop the offensive gesture. He only smirked at it, and eased his way over when he was able to.

10:35

When he approached the slow moving individual's side and caught a peek at who was behind the wheel. It was a young looking male with jet-black hair in chunks over his tired looking eyes. There was a scowl on his face, one that looked almost permanent. Next to him was his father, with ashen hair and an animalistic look to his jaw.

"That little shit is cancer serious."

He drove off from there, quickly leaving the father-son duo in the dust, and approached the entrance for the airport. It was 10:40 when he entered, and from there he had to find the correct terminal, which ended up taking another five minutes or so.

It was amazing how easily time could flick by.

Finally he had found a parking space, and from there he jogged out of the garage toward the proper area of the main building. His shades were fogged, but his facial expression was casual and stoic. His eyes, exhausted, stressed, and ineffably tired, took a moment to locate their target.

And there he sat. The look on his face was one of boredom, and perhaps loneliness. Emerald eyes searched the crowd, small hopeful glimmers flickering in and out. A suitcase of a dark green shade rested next to him. He rubbed his eyes underneath his rectangular glasses and yawned politely in to his palm. His shoulders, his head, everything drooped.

Heartbreak struck the other like acidic blood pumping through his veins, burning him from the inside. He had disappointed his friend, and that was probably the truest thing he knew in that moment. Just the look of that sorrowful face made him want to turn around, walk straight out, and late shame consume him as a whole. But, he knew he couldn't.

"Jake."

"He'll be here soon," replied an English accent, with mild chipper undertones and a polite essence.

"Jake, I'm right here. Get off your dorky, adventure-boy ass and let's get you home," a calm tone replied, one with only subtle hints of a Texan tongue.

A head of unkempt, smooth black hair looked up. The face it belonged to had rosy cheeks and an ivory complexion. His lashes were long, and flattering to his verdant eyes. Two overgrown front teeth peeked out past his pallid lips.

He looked tired, but he was smiling.

"Dirk!" the raven-haired male exclaimed brightly, "oh Strider, I was beginning to think you'd never show your face! Uh, not that I doubted you, it's just, well-"

"Shsh," Dirk hushed with a smirk, helping his friend up to his feet, "I got stuck in a traffic jam. Accident. I promise I didn't forget about you, so stop worrying yourself in to a hole."

"Oh. Well that makes a whole lot more sense," Jake replied. He stood a few inches under the other, but made up for it in his toothy grin. For a moment he stood there, staring in to those triangular shades, looking as if he were contemplating something. His lips were a concentrated pout, and his brows were laced.

"What are you-"

Jake leaned forward, wrapping Dirk in a whole-hearted embrace. Inside a pale chest, the Strider's heart fluttered. He stoically returned the hug, or at least attempted to in an effort to keep his cool, his cheeks and ears warm beneath the tan colored freckles on his face,

"It's such a pleasure to finally meet you ol' chum," the shorter male breathed.

"Yea. Great to see you too, English."


	2. Chapter 1

/-/ Hey, everyone. Sorry this chapter is a little short, I just felt like it was appropriate to end it where I did x_x \-\

Chapter 1-

"Wow Strider, if I didn't know any better I would've assumed you purposefully put yourself in the party apartments. Are your neighbors always so riled up?"

It had been a long drive back to the building. Since Jake had taken such a keen fascination to Houston's big city, they crawled down the streets as Dirk pointed out some hot spots. He carried Jake's baggage to and from the car, earning a few kind remarks from his close friend. When they turned down the hall toward Dirk's apartment, music was blaring loudly from the other room down the corridor. Luckily for them, it was muffled to nearly a whisper by the time they had shut the door to their own living space.

"They're always throwing a party in there. You tend to get used to it."

"We should go to one."

"Excuse me?" Dirk, out of astonishment, had nearly spilled all of Jake's luggage on to the floor.

"Well you heard me Strider. It'll be fun! Most of the parties back home are really well-mannered," Jake commented, rubbing at the back of his neck sort of sheepishly.

_No. No no no. He might get hurt. What about all those suspicious smells from inside, or the violent crashes during the night?_

"...Sure. Let's get you settled in first though bro, you're tired."

"I can do that! Besides, this jet-lag is quite brutal. What I would like to know is... how can that be going on so early? It's not even afternoon! ...Or...is it? Christ, the time here is so different..."

"That place has got no sense of time. It's like a literal Wonderland in there, drugs and everything."

"Oh golly. Well we can go there without getting in to that stuff, right?"

"Of course."

During their conversation, they had managed their way back to Dirk's room down the short hallway between the kitchen and the bedrooms. The young Strider had begun to file Jake's clothes away in a chest of drawers he had set up, but was soon asked to cease so and allow the other to do it. They argued for a few minutes until Dirk deemed it futile, slugged English's shoulder hard enough to get his point across but not enough to bruise him, and watched him with admiration finish the job.

"So!" a green eyed male announced, "What's to do then Strider?"

"Well," the pale blonde contemplated for a moment or two, "That depends on what it is you would like to do. We've got a month's time of opportunity."

Jake though for a moment. One could, if they looked hard enough and knew what to search for, see the gears grinding and turning behind his eyes. Dirk adjusted his triangular shades, swallowing smoothly as he awaited a proposal.

"What kind of movies do you have?" Jake finally asked, a curious lilt to his intonation and a hopeful glimmer in his eye.

"Well that question came up quicker than I thought it would."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Here," Dirk strolled over to a DVD rack against his wall, and motioned to the vast selection of films he had congested from years of doing moderate collecting. Most of them were pieces like Spirited Away or Howl's Moving Castle, but there were also a few titles that pertained more to Jake's fancy (though it was practically impossible to find a movie he didn't like, and Dirk knew that well enough).

"Wow," English gaped at the collection, verdant eyes searching each word with a sense of not only admiration, but indecisiveness and also mesmorization.

"See anything you like?"

"I'm not sure I can pick one specifically! There's so many great movies here... and anyways, I don't want to impose on you. What about you? Spotted anything you fancy?"

Dirk, who had remained behind his companion through their conversation, scaled the figure before him with his observant eyes in a slow and tender fashion.

"Hell yea."

"What then?"

"You pick."

"Uh...alright, sure. If you don't mind, that is."

Jake quickly sought out Tomb Raider, a personal favorite of his own and a proud member of his DVD collection as well. The pair made their way down the corridor and in to the main room of the apartment, where Dirk's flat screen resided. The atmosphere was aromatic with the pungent scent of cologne and cleaning products, but it was bearable and surprisingly charismatic. The caramel-colored loveseat (a couch was never necessary, since there was usually only one resident in the apartment) was soft, comfortable, and invitingly warm. Dirk peeled off his vest and popped open the first few buttons on his shirt. A world more content now, he floated over and inserted the movie in to its respective slot. Jake had already taken a seat, and eagerly offered the other to the blonde. He accepted, relishing in the pleasant warmth that Jake omitted just from his presence.

Dirk didn't even bother to pay attention to the movie. All he cared about was the little sounds that his guest would make from time to time, or how his body would freeze with tension during the most action-packed moments. Frankly, the whole scene of it all was fucking adorable.

Jake was casually enjoying one of his favorite movies with his best friend, relaxing after his lengthy flight from Britain to Texas, when he noticed that his companion didn't seem to be watching the movie. Another thing was, each time his glanced down at the cushion he was sitting on, it seemed as though their hands were inching closer and closer. He wasn't sure why this was happening, or if it was even intentional. Regardless, he was beginning to be overcome with the sensation of laziness, and tired eyes. Soon enough he had found that his own body was leaning against his friend's, and his cheek was pressed in to a relatively comfortable shoulder for the use of a pillow.

There was nothing wrong with chums assisting each other and making things more relaxing, right? Of course not.

Dirk's heart was beating faster than he could keep up with. He could feel Jake breathing against him, and it was driving him crazy. There was no way such a perfect moment could exist so simply to him. What had he done so... _right_ to make this happen? The temptation to wrap his arm around that pretty little british boy's waist, to hold him close and ease in to his warmth was something of an ineffable measure, and something he had trouble resisting. Perhaps then the lonely crater in is chest would begin to fill with a sort of hope. Perhaps then he would be able to turn a page in his book of life, to diminish the destruction of his hopeless heart and acquire a promising soul. Perhaps there would at least be a beginning to such a terrible, twisted game- and maybe, just maybe, it would have a happy ending.

His fingers flickered, taunting to snake their way around.

_Just do it, Strider. Go for it._

There was hesitation in his terror, but he complied. At first Jake appeared to be alarmed by the action. His shoulders tensed, and the expression on his face froze; wide eyes, raised eyebrows. Dirk nearly retreated, until he felt the muscles against his forearm relax. He did as well, sighing heavily in relief. The screen, a whole lot easier to pay attention to now that he had allowed himself to lower his stress level and simply relax for once, was dark through his shades. He dare not remove them, though. It was much too early to even think about that.

If it weren't for Dirk's acute senses and attentive sense of observation, he never would have noticed the subtle ease of Jake forming against him, shimmying his body to get more adequate in his position. But, he had noticed. He noticed, and he loved the sensation that it gave the ominous pit inside his chest. It was like an aching, addicting burn. This, he figured, was what love in its whole felt like; a painful fire that healed as it burned. He wondered what the other was thinking, or if he felt the same way at all. It was doubtful, but at least they had this moment.

Jake had to admit, Dirk's body was warm and comforting. It relaxed him, and relieved whatever stress was in his muscles. He could sense his own eyelashes fluttering against the tallest point of his cheeks, and the exhaustion from his traveling pull them slowly downward. His eyesight was becoming blurry, even with the assistance of his glasses. Things- images, colors, objects- they were hard to make sense of anymore. He shut his eyes for a moment, hoping to rest them and then get back to finishing the movie.

"Bro, are you asleep?"

No response.

"You're ridiculous."

Dirk decided to finish the film, and to let his companion rest for a while. It was only polite, after all. He knew not only how lengthy flights could be, but how much they could tire even the best people out. He even sat through the credits, casually scanning the names of celebrities and their positions and characters, but there was no snore nor stir. So, he sat in the dim light of his room, listening to the steady shallow breathing coming from the general direction of Jake. Dirk's free hand traveled to Jake's hair, brushing it out of his sleeping eyes. The jet black strands were soft on the Strider's fingertips. His eyes flicked to the top of the other's head, and his lips trembled with temptation. Should he? What were the consequences, the pros, the cons?

Possibly deranged with passion, Dirk leaned in and planted a firm kiss on top of his best friend's head. Electricity tingled in his lips, tickling his heartstrings. Jake trembled some, but didn't wake. It nearly gave Dirk a heart attack.

Love made him such a wreckless person.


	3. Chapter 2

/-/ Hello everyone! So here's the update xD It took me so long to type this all up. Augh. And Chapter 3 is even longer.

Well I hope you all like it anyways! \-\

Chapter 2-

"Morning sleepyhead," a pale, freckled figure whispered casually as the ebony haired male stirred awake. Jake was unsure of how long he had been asleep, but it felt quite refreshing. Energy surged through his veins much like it normally did. He was an energetic person naturally, always on the move and making use of his mobility.

"Is the movie over?" he asked stupidly, squinting at the television screen. All he saw was a dark, lifeless box. There was no picture, nor did he hear sound as well.

"Past over man, you're a little late. I don't mind though, you can go for a snooze on me if you feel like it."

"Thanks for not waking me Strider, I really think I needed to nap for a spell."

"No problem. You looked way too fucking adorable for me to disturb you anyways," crooned Dirk with an ominous grin. Jake's cheeks began to burn pink, causing Dirk's shadowed eyes to glimmer.

"Stop fooling around. I probably looked right laughable didn't I?"

"Yea man, if I was one to laugh at the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Don't be ridiculous, English. You're always adorable."

_Stop. You're taking it too far._

"Always a joker, huh Strider?" Jake had not seemed to have noticed Dirk's persistance, or he chose to refrain from mentioning it.

Relief poured in to Dirk, filling up his lungs as easy as air.

"That's me."

The pair began to stand as they spoke, brushing themselves off and shaking away the sensation of laziness. "So what's the schedule then?"

"I'm hungry. You up for going out to eat?"

"My first American restaurant? Golly, I'd love to!" exclaimed the shorter male with enthusiasm.

"Great, let's go. What're you up for?" asked Dirk.

"What ever it is you're in the mood for! I picked the movie, after all. Besides, who am I to not trust my best bro's decision?"

"Alright," he said, barely able to contain himself. He was hoping that Jake would ask him to choose, and he had the most perfect idea, "but it'll be a surprise."

"Now you've got me all anxious! Bollocks, I want to know now!"

"That would definitely ruin the surprise bro. Calm your shit, you'll know soon enough."

As they spoke, the boys slipped on their shoes and readied to depart. Dirk had buttoned his vest back on and snatched up his keys. They were headed for a candle lit dinner at an italian restaurant not too far from the apartment building. Dirk had heard about it through people he had met overtime which generally frequented the establishment, although he had yet to go there himself. But, he was feeling romantic dammit, and this was a perfect opportunity to woo not only someone he considered his guest, but also the most important person in his life.

They were silent as they trekked past the infamous 'party room' and outside of the building, made idle chit-chat to the car and as well as on the way there (with of course a plethora of oo's, aah's, and inquiries from Jake), but a certain dark haired male seemed much to excited for their destination to talk much at all. Dirk did not mind, because when they made turns, their fingers would brush against each other on the arm rest and therefore everything would appear to be right in the world, even for just a moment.

"Are we close yet?" Jake asked suddenly, his emerald eyes glued to the window. Dirk peeked over for a moment, his thin and pale lips curving in to a smirk. He could hardly believe that someone who acted so much like a child was in fact a grown man after all.

"You're getting antsy aren't you? Yea, it's right here. Calm your perky little tits bro," Dirk breathed as he maneuvered his car in to the parking lot and henceforth in to an available space. He listened as Jake gasped with fascination. This was going to be an eventful night.

"Oh thank golly gosh, I've sure worked up and appetite from the flight and all!"

"Getting used to your weird vernacular is going to be a trip."

"S-sorry," Jake muttered. His cheeks lit up and Dirk caught the flare-up immediately. His heart cramped, but he covered the ache with a convincing smirk. In due time, he had told himself, chanted to himself inside the confines of his subconscious.

"Don't worry about it bro, I was kidding. It's cute, trust me."

"Let's go inside," English said as he opened his door, throwing his feet over and out of the car. It was unmistakable- the blush on his cheeks and the smile on his face- but Dirk assumed he reacted in such a way to nearly every compliment he received, since he did give off the impression of a sheepish sort of character.

Dirk's long strides acceded Jake's quickly, and so he made it to the door in enough time to open it for his friend. The shorter male barely took notice of Dirk's hospitality, but he did offer a wide, crooked, and buck-toothed grin which was quite good enough.

"So what is this place anyways?" he asked, a european tongue filled with childish curiosity.

Dirk took the lead as he made his way toward the "Please Wait to be Seated" sign, his concealed orbs scanning their surroundings intelligently and carefully. The air smelled like fresh-baked warm bread, olive oil, and pepper. The lights were dim, mostly originating from glowing candles littering the walls. There was a display case of italian confectionaries near the pedestal at the front, full of canolies and other mouth-watering sweets.

"Just some italian restaurant I've heard about. Dinner's on me by the way, no arguing," said Dirk bluntly.

Jake peeked at a menu, and his eye instantaneously went wide. If it were not for the frozen shock, his jaw might have hit the floor.

"On you? Dirk, have you seen these prices? I may not know a lot about American money, but this all seems super expensive! There's no-"

"Bro. It's no problem. Besides, you haven't transferred your money yet, so all that fancy European cash you've got is pretty much useless. Not to rain on your parade, but I don't think they accept Euros here."

"...Right. Well I'll pay you b-"

"No you won't."

"Now, Stri-"

"Just two?" a tall, built male with jet black straight asked. He had a voice like a whisper, definitely unfitting to his intimidating stature. Unphased, Dirk replied with conformation and the brute nodded quietly before leading the two away, in to the main section of the restaurant. Their table was small, a strict two-seater made of gorgeous treated wood which was illuminated only by the glow of the candles and completely aside from the crowd of the restaurant. It was, in essence of all things true, perfect. Absolutely perfect.

"Someone should be with you two shortly. Please sit down."

The two complied with the request, but stayed silent until their looming shadow of a seater was out of earshot before making an effort to speak at all.

"I didn't know wrestlers worked at restaurants nowadays," Dirk joked with a chuckle.

"I do think he was a charming chap. Quiet though."

_That's just like him; seeing the good in everyone as usual._

Dirk almost could not breathe. The illumination from the candles cast upon Jake's feminine lashes, and the way the glow fell upon his fair complexion made Dirk's heart stop. He could not believe how fantastic that dorky little Englishman looked in candlelight. It was no doubt that the awestruck Strider made a mental note of such a fact, in case it could come in handy.

_Shit, he noticed you staring at him._

Jake's black brows arched, as if he were expecting his pale blonde companion to say something. Dirk decided it was best to come out and start a conversation, instead of sharing numerous awkward glances.

"So, how do you like your first American restaurant?" he started.

"It's fantastic! Are they all this wonderfully charismatic?"

"Not necessarily. But hey, you didn't hear it from me."

"Haha, sure," Jake chuckled whilst beaming warmly. Dirk propped his hands upon the table only inches away from the other's, and left the rest to his imagination.

"Hello you two. I'll be your server, as in I shall be taking your orders and bringing them out to you. It's a simple concept, really, b-"

A petite girl with ebony hair and oval-shaped glasses had approached the table in uniform. Her lipstick was electric blue, and her eyes mirrored the color perfectly. She was, in retrospect, a beautiful woman. Her lashes were long and feminine, and her smile was warm and inviting. Nevertheless, the two at the table were staring quite blankly at her as they awaited her closure of introduction.

"Aha, sorry. My name is Aranea."

Dirk did not like how Jake was staring at this girl, his eyes infatuated and sparkling. The crater inside of the blonde's chest ached, and in no way had it resembled the serendipitous sensation he had experienced earlier. In fact, it had filled him with a bitter poison.

"I'm Jake, nice to meet you miss!"

"It's a pleasure."

_Oh god oh god oh god. Look at how they're staring at each other. This cannot be good._

Dirk was panicking by now. His fingers had begun to twitch uncontrollably, and so he gently clenched his fists and hid them underneath the table. They boy he had a crush on, no, the boy he was completely in love with for the longest time was making googly eyes with a complete stranger, and to make matters worse? She was doing the same exact thing. Should he not be doing that to Dirk? Should they not be sharing tender, loving moments of staring in to one another's eyes like they were peering in to two pools of bliss? A heavy, nervous ball settled in the deepest, most sensitive pit in his stomach.

_You have to do it, Dirk. You have to tell him._

He was going to wait. He was going to put it off not only as much as he could, but until he was completely aware of his friend's feelings. But now...he could not. Not anymore- he had to say something before it was too late and he lost his chance.

Aranea was looking at him, calmly waiting his introduction as well.

"I'm Dirk."

"Nice to meet you both," she replied cheerily.

"Right," Dirk mumbled. His expression was blank, stoic. But his voice burned with acidic jealousy that was quite unmistakable. Jake paid no mind to it. Aranea noticed.

"Can I take your drink orders then? I'll bring it to so, so then you can order your meal, which then me, being your server will bring to you as well. I'm unsure of how long it will take to deliver everything but I will be sure to keep you up to date," she then continued with her lengthy explanation, and Dirk took an opportunity to examine the wine list which was conveniently printed on to a small piece of parchment nearby. He attempted to do so subtly, so their chatty waitress would not go off on another tangent about the selection- if she had, he did not think they would ever make it out of there. It was not that he did not like her generally; she was a pleasant, pretty individual with a stunning smile and a charming aura. But unfortunately she was competition. Of course if Jake chose to pursue her, Dirk would not and could not argue. He was ready and willing to sacrifice if it was absolutely necessary.

He pulled out his wallet, withdrawing his license and motioned for the blue-lipped female to lean close. She obeyed, nodded when a slim finger pointed out the finest and most expensive bottle on the menu, checked his I.D. and bid them adieu. Jake looked puzzled, but Dirk made no effort to explain. He felt a little guilty that he had ordered alcohol, considering his short history, but...

"Perhaps we should split a meal? I'm not too terribly hungry, and the prices here aren't exactly pleasant," Jake interrupted Dirk's train of thought, which was something he may have been grateful for.

"Well what do you want then? I'm pretty much cool with anything."

"I'm not sure. Maybe a fettucine alfredo? That's a favorite of mine and my grandmother's."

"Sounds fine by me. Nice choice, actually; I've heard a lot of good things about that one."

"Here comes that nice waitress," Jake said in a near whisper, his eyes wide, "She's pretty. Do you suppose she fancies me?"

Dirk's heart ached. He bit his tongue, trying to force down any obscenities cooped up inside his lungs.

"Yea man. She's totally in to you, you should go for her."

"You really think so?" Jake perked up, his cheeks and ears going red.

"Totally man. I wouldn't lie to you."

"I don't know..."

"Here you guys go; our finest wine," Aranea crooned. She had two wine glasses in tow, and filled them both to a reasonable level. Afterward she had rested the bottle between their glasses and pulled out a pad of paper to take their official order. Dirk was unaware if she had kept chattering or not, because he had been focused on that shimmer in those charming green eyes. He wished more than anything that they had sparkled in that way for him and him alone. Just knowing that he owned such earthly and selfish desires disgusted him, but regardless he could not curb his yearning. His need.

Evidently Jake had ordered because Aranea scribbled something down and eventually walked off.

"-sure I should, because maybe she'd interfere with my time with you, and I don't want that to happen! I didn't come here to spend time with a girl I just met, I came here for you! You know what I mean?"

Dirk blinked rapidly as he came to his senses, and eventually reality.

"I don't mind. Maybe getting yourself a girlfriend will help with your socially awkward complex," he replied with false enthusiasm, sipping gingerly from his drink. The familiar burn of alcohol ignited in the center of his chest. Each drop of the crimson elixir tasted fantastic and soothed his itchy throat. He could not help but to take another sip. Jake followed suit, curious about the taste.

"You've really outdone yourself Mr. Strider, this wine is exceptional!"

"It's no big deal."

"Anyways, I won't let my time here be consumed by some girl I hardly know. She's cute, bt I'm here for my bro, not to pick up girls!"

Dirk was not sure if the heat in his face was from the unexpected flattery, or if it came from the wamrth of the alcohol. With his naturally sensitive body, it was awfully hard to tell.

"Alright man, suit yourself. If you change your mind though, I say go for it. I'll even be your wing man."

"Really?"

"Hell yea. Nobody can resist the influence of a Strider. She'd be groveling at your feet after less than five minutes of talking to me."

"Wow. That's pretty impressive."

"Mhm. You don't have to tell me twice."

They silently sipped for a little while, Dirk resisting the urge to take Jake's hand in to his own and finding it increasingly difficult with each drink he took.

"You're a pretty silent one, aren't you?" Jake had not even noticed the state Dirk was deliberately sending himself in to. The male was still just buzzed, but if he continued, it would escalate quite remarkably.

"I guess you could say that. I just never really have a lot to talk about."

"Oh please, I don't believe that for one bit!"

"Well you had better, 'cause it's true. And plus you make me nervous. Like, reeeallly nervous."

Dirk had always been a loose-lipped person when he was under the influence. He would lose control of his thoughts quickly, perhaps because he had spent too much time avidly analyzing them at any other point. He was an over-thinker, and being drunk may have been his only true release.

"I do?" Jake asked, dumbfounded, "What for?"

"Look at 'ya."

Not to mention Dirk's accent would surface itself completely.

"Well," muttered Jake as he quickly looked himself over, "What about me?"

"Yer crazy ho-"

Saved by a steaming plate of noodles and creamy sauce. Jake looked to have forgotten the conversation completely once there was food in front of him. Aranea uttered a chipper good wish and retreated, thankfully quickly.

Each one of them dug in immediately. Dirk missed the food and hit the edge of the plate with his fork more than a few times, however Jake seemed not to notice at all. The blonde's vision was becoming fuzzy as he filled his second glass. Everything tasted like aged grape juice, and the walls blended with the ceiling as well as the floor. It was not long before they had finished off their plate, and Dirk had downed his third glass. Jake had barely made a dent in his second.

"Wow Dirk, you've drunk almost the whole bottle yourself!"

"I haff? Haha, I guez I did, didn' I?"

"Are you sure you're all right to drive?" asked Jake, who had finally caught on to Dirk's slurred words and uncanny actions.

"A course I am."

He thought for a moment. Was he? He could not feel his forehead anymore. Perhaps it was not a good idea to drink that night, especially not on an empty stomach like he had. His body never took alcohol well anyways.

"No," he quickly decided, "No I'm nawt."

He pulled out his wallet and dispensed their pay, along with a heavy tip, and groggily lifted to his feet. He almost toppled over, but had fortunately caught himself on the edge of the table. Jake stood as well; a shadow, ready and prepared to aid. They unceremoniously made their way to the parking lot before he had to offer himself as support.

"Wow. I didn't know you handled alcohol so terribly," he muttered absent-mindedly.

"I'm sorry," Dirk choked.

"...It's alright."

"No. I'm so...so sorry."

"Don't worry about it Strider, it's honestly no big deal."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing dagnabbit, I said it was all right!"

"I'm so sorry. I just...Jake. I need to...to tell y'all somethin'" Dirk started as his Texan lingo seeped more and more in to his sentences.

"What's that?" Jake had stopped walking and stood still as Dirk held his shoulders and, he assumed, stared in to his eyes.

"Jake, I-" the taller male clumsily peeled off his shades. In the dusk, his vivid eye color was not quite as stunning, but it sure was a shock to the other. They were wide, his lashes long and the irises a remarkable burning orange. They were magnificent. Surreal. Infatuating. Lascivious, even, and without a doubt the word 'beautiful' was an understatement. Jake's heart skipped a beat. Was this a trick of the light? No, it was not. He was not sure if he could accept that fact or not. He was sure, however, that suddenly his lungs were without air.

"I've liked you for quite a while, English. More than that, even. Jake, I'm so-"

"Dirk... I knew this was coming," Jake muttered. His voice was calm, sobering. It was a pleasant change, and even in the Strider's fuzzy situation he noticed this, "Why do you think I wasn't willing to talk to that girl in there? I... well christ on a toasted bagel, I didn't think it'd come this soon, but anyways...I really don't know how I feel yet."

Dirk nodded.

"But I'm not saying that nothing will happen, or is possible! I just need some time to think, okay?"

"Kiss me."

"Pardon?"

"Kiss me, English. Just once."

"I...uh..."

"C-" he hiccupped, closed his eyes for a long while, and when he opened them back up again they were in their natural narrow state. Piercing. "Come on. After that you can take alllllll the time you need. Deal?"

"Strider, I'm not su-"

Dirk stole away the Englishman's lips not a moment later. At first Jake was tense and reluctant, but he eventually allowed the kiss to happen. He had made no effort to return it, but he had also made no effort to tear himself away.

All Jake could taste was wine. It was horrific, gut-wrenching. Here he was, trying to plead and beg with his best friend, and yet there he stood, being betrayed. He could hardly believe his reality at all. What was worse was that he was not sure he wanted to even believe it in the first place. Or perhaps, the worst part was that something deep inside him insisted that the kiss was enjoyable.

"Thanks, English. Yer a reeeaalll pal."

"I can't drive."

"Hmmm?"

"I can't drive, Dirk. How are we supposed to get back?"

"I...I 'unno. We...we could stay in the car."

"First thing you need to do is get yourself some shut-eye. I'll set your back seats down," Jake offered while pulling Dirk toward the bright orange vehicle. Keys were exchanged, and Jake helped his friend out of his vest and in to the back of the car, but the dark-haired male was roped down from the very moment he had finally managed to close the trunk. Dirk had wrapped his arms around the other figure, and although he was drunk, the pallid and freckled male was no doubt strong.

"G'night, Jake."

"Until sunrise, Strider," Jake cooed as he brushed Dirk's hair from his eyes.


	4. Chapter 3

/-/ Kill me now. This chapter is so long. dkjfkdjnfs.

Incorporation of strange headcanons of mine in this chapter. I stayed up way past when I should have gone to bed to type this up for you guys, so you had better appreciate it. \-\

Chapter 3 -

"Mnh..."

"Wake up."

"A little longer..."

"English, it's time to go. You can crash when we get back to the apartment."

"Is it morning?"

"No. It's been about two hours. I'm fine though, thanks for asking."

"You're lying."

"I'm serious as a stroke."

Jake lifted his head and looked out the back window. It was dark and ominous outside, except for streetlights and the blinding headlights racing down the street. Dirk looked at him as if to say, 'I told you so'. The ebony haired male groaned and sat up, fixing the position of his glasses. Everything was foggy. He rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, and nodded slowly.

"Alright, alright. Let's get going."

"You're telling me."

Dirk began climbing over his seats to the driver's side. He could hear his companion behind him groggily tripping over seat belts and cushions in an obvious struggle, but all he could do was chuckle. His head ached only slightly but he was sober, and that was all he needed to drive. The occurrences from before were fuzzy and unclear, and for some reason he felt a slight tingle in his lips. He could not put his finger on exactly why, but it did not matter. The car responded quickly as he turned the keys, and soon enough they were pulling out of the parking lot and on to the main road. The ride was silent, probably because each of them were both immensely exhausted. However the air seemed to be thick, and the origin of the tension seemed to come from the passenger seat- or more specifically, the person sitting there.

The ride seemed a lot quicker than it had coming there. Not a word was exchanged, not even a heavy sigh or yawn entertained their ears as their groggy legs carried them up to and through the building. Jake collapsed on his air mattress. Dirk peeled off his undershirt, put away his sunglasses (making sure to snatch Jake's prescription frames off of his face and file those away as well) and crawled in to his bed. His eyes shut, and he was beginning to drift off when Jake suddenly spoke.

"That was my first."

"First what?" Dirk responded, cracking open one eye.

"Kiss."

_Oh god. Did you kiss him?_

Guilt and panic struck the Strider straight through his chest. His eyes shot open wide, and he felt sick. Did he really steal his best friend's first kiss in a drunken fit of selfishness? He would never be able to forgive himself. He had never, ever screwed up something so bad in his life. He was about ready to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but he figured he did not deserve it. Not for something as bad as that.

"Bro, I'm so sorry, -"

"Don't worry about it Strider. I don't mind much, you just surprised me is all."

"Jake, don't belittle this. I am so sorry. That was really stupid of me. I like you a lot, Jake. I always have, and I probably always will, but I never meant to intrude on you like that. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. I stole something extremely special from you because I'm an idiot and I try to tell myself that I can handle just as much alcohol as the next guy, but I can't because I was born with a Strider body and we're sensitive and weak. I should have never let myself become so selfish. If I would've known... God... I don't deserve you at all..."

"Stop it. You're making quite a big deal out of nothing here, I really don't mind! Yea, I would have preferred it to be a bit more special, but what's done is done! I won't have you put yourself down like this. You're the dogs bollocks Strider. And in case you didn't know, that's silly British tongue for you're totally awesome!"

"Jake, I-"

"Don't."

Dirk set his jaw. He wanted to argue, to protest. He wanted to convince his best bro that he was terrible, that he was not worth the dirt underneath the sole on Jake's boot. But if he wanted to believe otherwise, Dirk was not going to drag things on more than they absolutely needed to be.

"Thanks, Jake. You're a great dude, you know."

"I guess."

"You are, don't deny it. Now get yourself to bed, I know you're falling asleep. I can practically hear you snoring already."

"I don't snore!"

"Yes you do."

Jake must have fallen asleep, because he made no sound after that. Dirk lay awake for a while, criticizing himself and his actions, going over what went wrong and what went right(which was not much). He was surprised at how well his friend took the situation, but it only made him feel even more guilty in the end. Eventually he exhausted himself mentally and decided to get up. Since the room was dark, he had to make quite the journey to his door. From then however it was all memory, and soon enough he stood in the doorway of his extra room and admired his many masterpieces.

There were trinkets, tools and safety goggles littering each and every corner, but he could never bring himself to clean the place up. It was like he had to savor the messy image, like it were soon to crumble. He drew in a deep breath and made his way to the cluttered work table where he sat at his rotating chair and got to work.

With the necessity of continuing his current project in silence for the night, Dirk was unable to use power tools or anything that made a lot of noise. He did not mind much- the thing he was working on was absolutely marvelous, or at least he hoped it would be. A fully functional robot that specialized in rap battles. It was to be named Sawtooth, he knew it already.

For the next few hours, Dirk busied himself with artificial parts and general blueprinting. There was always something to be improved or tinkered with, but his concentration was something admirable. As time passed his eyelids began to grow heavier and heavier. He was not sure how it happened, but somehow his head and arms made it on the desk in a resting position. He yawned, evidently giving in to his own body when he drifted casually in to slumber.

Jake blinked himself awake. The hot Texas sun poured in through the window above his head, casting a yellow shine on everything it touched. He sat up and groggily yawned. The world was fuzzy and unclear. He squinted whilst pawing around for his glasses, until finally his clumsy hand landed on the thick rimmed pair. Dirk's were still next to his, so he figured that the other had still been sleeping. Slowly, things came clear to the Englishman. He blinked, adjusting the frames slightly. However, by a quick look around, he learned that he was alone. How strange for his companion to deliberately leave his shades when he woke. Perhaps he owned another pair? English decided not to worry about it, though he was kind of curious about where the enigmatic blonde was.

"Dirk?" Jake called out softly. His throat felt dry, so he coughed and tried again.

"Strider? Where are you off to? Dirk?"

When he got no reply, Jake rolled off of his mattress and on to his feet. They felt heavy, and yet he continued through the door and down the hall, checking the rooms along his way. "Dirk?" he would call in to each one with no luck. Finally there was only one room left. He gripped the handle, pushed the door open and peeked inside. For some reason, this room seemed dimmer than the others. It had been cluttered and messy. There were about three tables in there, but only one seemed accessible. Atop it was a snoozing silhouette, with its arms curled underneath its head.

"Strider, honestly. That can't be very comfortable!" Jake exclaimed, earning himself a bit of a stir from the other. "Come on, it's morning! You don't want to sleep the day away, do you?"

"Mmn...J-Jake?"

"Yes, it's me. Now get your blasted butt out of that chair! Christ, I can't believe you slept here," he crooned, nearly tripping over some tools, "I don't even know how you made it to that desk!"

"It's because I'm skilled, like some kind of super-awesome ninja. You wouldn't understand."

"Well, it didn't take long at all for you to shake off the morning."

"Why should it?"

Jake looked over, his lungs immediately regretting the decision. He had forgotten that Dirk was not wearing his glasses, and with the glossy look on his already stunning eyes from sleep, it took the shorter male's breath away. To make matters worse, they were staring straight at him. He could feel his face heat up.

"N-" he choked, "No reason." Dirk did not seem to notice his slip up, or at least he did not even care.

"Holy shit. Did I even eat last night? My stomach is about as empty as a watering hole in the middle of the desert some time in July. I don't even want to think about any more hilarious and awesome wit right now, my brain can't even function I need food oh my god."

Jake chuckled quietly, his face brightening in to a smile. It was strangely, and yet so realistically refreshing to see his best friend act as he always had. English did not hold anything against the guy for the night before, but it was good to know that the silly and dorky blonde that he met so long ago was still in there.

"Go get some then. Stop running your blimey lips and use them for something you actually want to do!"

"Looks like I already did last night."

"Strider, you confounded little-"

"It's too bad I don't remember it very well. I know I kinda stole something special from you, but aside from the guilt I still wish I remembered. I'd been wanting to do that for a long time."

"Don't bring this up Strider, honestly..."

The frown on Jake's face instantly shot the blonde with heavy remorse. He stood up, made his way with skill and effortless grace to the disappointed looking raven and placed a lean palm on his shoulder.

"You're breaking my heart with that expression of yours. I'm really sorry, Jake. That was uncouth of me."

"My problem isn't what you did, it's that you keep beating yourself up for it! You're my pal, I don't want to see you all down in the dumps."

It was hard for Jake to form any words at all, since those enchanting and citrus-colored eyes were staring right in to his own emerald ones, and they were so close and those lashes were so long and they blinked so slow and everything about the gosh darn things was mesmerizing, but somehow his mouth knew what to do without the help of his brain, which was now futile mush.

Dirk stood there, blankly staring. Half of his thought process was on what were the right words to say, and the other was on how fantastically adorable Jake looked with bedhead. In the end the word-savvy Strider had nothing to say and he still had an empty stomach. So, he slipped past his crush and in to the hallways with not a single word's retort. It was the thought of steamy, fresh pancakes that motivated his feet down to the small kitchen at the front of his apartment. Perhaps he seemed upset or rushed, but Jake made no effort to follow him. Instead, he went to the bedroom and grabbed a fresh set of clothes, only to head for the shower as soon as he could. Curious, he peeked in the mirror on the wall above the sink for a moment. He looked tired and distraught. His hair was in a turmoil, sticking out every which way more than usual. Two large front teeth stuck out and pressed gently in to his bottom lip. His eyes were large, maybe even childlike. Here he was, an adult with the face of a kid and now the romance issues of a teenager. He pulled at his cheek just to see if he belonged to some sort of sensible reality, and was not sure if he was happy or disappointed when he discovered that he was.

Jake could hardly believe he had not even been on American soil for 24 hours yet.

In love? With him? Someone like Dirk Strider in love with an awkward, short, crooked-smiled Brit like Jake English? It was absurd. He could not believe it.

No matter. Right now he was in need of having a shower. In no time he had stepped out of his shorts and boxers and was slipping his shirt over his head. A pair of rectangular glasses sat on the edge of the sink. A shiny metal bar with a green skull inside the transparent end hung from the indent in Jake's abdomen. His torso was lean and lanky. The muscles on his arms were small, but they were there. It was obvious that he did more running than heavy lifting in his life. He ran a hand through his jet-black tresses and turned the water on, patiently awaiting it to warm up.

The smell of fresh pancakes did nothing to ease Dirk's mind, much to his dismay. He stood in front of the stove top, his mind heavy at work and his arms moving as if they had been attached to puppet strings. Though his body had been there, his thoughts were in another place and it was hurting.

He decided that no, he did not want to remember that stolen kiss. They would start over like nothing had happened. He would seize his kiss at the right time, with no regrets and remorse. It was the only way. His heart burned with a tiny flame, its orange glow being made entirely of hope.

Jake felt so much better now that he had showered. The tension in his limbs was gone, and for some reason every color seemed brighter then. It took him a moment, but he realized that this was how he had seen everything the day previous, before any...

No. It was over now. It was time to forget. And so, with renewed optimism Jake stood in front of the mirror and began to towel dry his hair.

Dirk had to bite his tongue to hold back a string of alarmingly loud obscenities. In his aloof state he had accidentally touched his fingertip to his hot frying pan for a few seconds before noticing, and wow hell did it hurt. He ran the blistering skin under cool water for a minute or two, feeling the worst of the burning slowly slip away. Relieved, he made his way to the bathroom to fetch the burn spray so that it would not damage his flesh any further.

Jake was just buttoning up his pants when the door swung open. His body tensed, and out of the corner of his eye he spotted a clean and unworn shirt. A clean and unworn shirt that, if he was lucky, would have been on his body by then. But alas it was not, and his cheeks burned because of it.

Dirk nearly fell over and had a heart attack. He did not really think much about where exactly Jake might have been, and now here he stood- shirtless in all his glory and oh shit was he hot and was that a belly-button piercing?

_Keep cool. Keep cool._

"I, uh, burned my..."

_Smooth._

Jake was glued to his spot. The sensation of warm blood rushing through his face felt odd, but he had managed to lift his head and face his intruder, whose stunning eyes were wide, ears were red and casual stare was... oh no, it was checking him out. Immediately the Englishman's self-consciousness flew through the roof.

"Is that a belly-button piercing dude?" Dirk asked stupidly.

"Y-yes, it is," Jake sputtered, "I don't really remember why I got it, it was maybe a little stupid to do."

"Are you kidding me? It's hot. Besides, I'm right there with you on that thought," Dirk moved aside the sleeve of his tank top to reveal a glimmering silver collarbone piercing, and soon showed the other side to match. He supposed that it was too dark the night before for it to have gone noticed, and he had slipped the shirt he was wearing now on before he had left to start working.

"Ha. Would you look at us? Leave it to blokes like me and you to make decisions as silly as this," Jake joked. His humor seemed to loosen his joints up enough for him to pull his shirt over his head- a dark green tee that contrasted his tight fitting black jeans well.

Dirk had nearly forgotten about his burn, but when his phenomenal view was taken from him the nagging throb was back. He made his way to the sink, opened up the cabinet behind the mirror and pulled out a small can labeled "burn spray". The refreshing stream felt fantastic on his wound, and he soon forgot the ghastly thing.

"I made pancakes. You hungry?"

"Sure am!"

"Then come get some before I eat them all."

"I don't understand how you can eat so much and still be as thin as you are, Strider!"

"I don't either," he mumbled ominously under his breath and exited toward the kitchen. Jake followed close behind, his black hair damp still but not wet enough to be dripping down the back of his neck. It was beginning to return to its natural unkempt, spiked appearance. He wondered how Dirk kept his hair looking so neat and picture-perfect all the time. It must have been a Strider thing. Jake decided not to worry about it, since it seemed like a frivolous thought and at this point all he could really focus on was the mouth-watering smell wafting in to his nostrils. Dirk soundlessly handed his guest a plate which was towering with fluffy flapjacks and then proceeded to prepare his own serving. Jake sat at the dining table pushed against the wall, which was conveniently already garnished with syrup and softened butter. He immediately dove in to devouring the pancakes, which were buttery and warm and light on his tongue. Relishing in their delight, Jake had to bring himself to admit that the blonde Texan had a way with cooking, and his taste buds could not help but to agree.

Dirk peeked over, happy to see that his best friend was thoroughly enjoying his cooking. He took a seat just as Jake was shoveling a hearty mouthful past his gaping lips.

"Thesh are absultly farntastic!" he struggled to say with his cheeks full of food. Dirk raised a thin, angular brow in amusement, his lips curling in to an enigmatic smirk. "Glad you like my cooking bro," he uttered with a bit of a tease to his tone but enough genuine thanks to be believable. Their breakfast from then on went talk-free. This of course was mainly due to the fact that they were quite unceremoniously stuffing their gluttonous faces. However, there was still a bit of an unidentified tension in the air, a bit of a disquieting thickness to the atmosphere. It was understandable to say the least, granted they had more than a few awkward moments in the past 24 hours, but it was strange nonetheless. Best friends should not be so distant, right? It was absolutely unnatural.

"Bro. What's up with this silence between us? It's pretty uncalled for, don't you think?"

Jake exhaled immediately; he looked a world relieved. Dirk had not even noticed the tension in his shoulders until it was gone. "Thank leaping lord you were the first to say something. I was beginning to dread that the whole trip would be like this! I don't know if I could stand another minute of such awkward air."

"Sorry man."

"Don't beat yourself up over it there Strider! It's nothing you can't fix!"

"I guess you're right man," Dirk admitted. He had casually stood and collected their tainted dishes and carried them to the sink. For once in his life, he felt oddly comfortable without his shades on. That was something that he had noticed about the atmosphere as well, although he was surely alone in the feeling sue to Jake's inability to understand the unique self-consciousness of being a Strider when it came to the subject of eyes. Dirk was an outcast, a freak of nature, a weir-

Deep breath. He exhaled calmly and collected his emotions from off the ground. A sharp jolt of pain pierced his stomach, nearly causing him to keel over. He swallowed the sensation and wrote it off as plain nerves.

"So what's there to do today? I'm kind of in the mood for the outdoors, you know? What do you say Strider?"

"I can take you to the park if you want."

"That sounds absolutely smashing!"

Dirk bit back a grin and nodded to his foreign companion. "Alright, don't get your girly panties in a twist, let me at least get dressed first."

What a perfect opportunity. A day alone with _Jake English?_ Dirk could hardly contain his own excitement- though that would stay in his mind and his alone. This time, he promised himself, he would not screw things up. He could not; it was his last chance. Or at least it could be, and he had plenty of reason to worry. Worrying was his enemy, however. He needed clear thoughts for anything to work properly, let alone himself. It was vital to his plans and he would be devastated if they went haywire again.

With nothing but a nonchalant salute, Dirk left his friend in the small kitchen and headed for his bedroom. He tore open drawers to his dresser frantically and yet quietly, searching for clothes that fit the occasion. Vest? No vest? He never thought picking out an outfit to go to the park in would be so difficult. Eventually he had given the thought of carefully picking out his clothes up completely- mostly from a fit of frustration- and slipped on a t-shirt along with a pair of slim fitted black jeans. His belt was a bright orange color, and the baseball cap graphic on his shirt matched the color entirely. He pushed his shades on to his face, and although he felt reasonably comfortable with them off, the instant his unique colored eyes were shrouded by the pointed glasses a weight had fallen from his shoulders.

"Are you about ready in there Str-"

Just in that moment Dirk had swung the door open and came face to face with a very astonished looking Jake. His jaw was dropped, shocked by the sudden entrance of his best friend. He took a moment to shake off the look on his face and quickly replaced it with a toothy grin as vast as the sea. It was clear and obvious that he had been more than excited for the day planned ahead of him. Dirk wondered if he would feel the same if only he had known what he was planning to do.

"Sheesh, give a guy some time to change. You're impatient as hell."

"Oh. Oh! I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't sweat it bro."

"Dirk, I have a quick question for you."

"I have an answer."

"Well, I was just wondering... this morning when I was looking for you, I noticed in one of your rooms you had quite an impressive display of clubbing equipment. And, well-"

"That's it? Yea, I used to book a lot of DJ-ing gigs. It kind of used to be my thing. I quit a while ago though, personal reasons and all. It's no big deal."

"Well that sure is exciting! I doubt there's been much you haven't seen."

"We'll save that for another time."

By that time they had exited the apartment and were making their way to the front door of the building and outside. It was a pleasant day; not too hot, with just enough wind to rustle the leaves. The sun was mild in its brightness with each ray cutting through the clouds like an angelic beam. All in all, a picture-perfect day for staying outdoors.

They were about to cross the road to the parking garage when Dirk had an idea. He proposed that he and Jake would walk to the park instead, using the excuse that he could show Jake around the bustling and lively city a little more, and perhaps they could find places to visit on later days. In reality Dirk had just wanted to spend all the more time side by side with his crush, his companion. Much to his own delight Jake had adored the idea. In fact he had been thinking the same thing but was too shy to ask it himself. With that they began their journey down the sidewalk.

Most people were already at work- comfortably in their cubicles, clicking on their computers and slaving their days away to the office life. As a significant result there was not as much foot traffic as the evening hours. This was beneficial to the two of them since they did not have to waste the effort of weaving through congested crowds of people. As they walked they would talk of common things. Of Britain and how different it was. Of things they saw, of interesting people. Rows of shops inched by as their feet carried them toward their destination. Jake stared in awe at many things, as was natural for outsiders- the sheer size of the buildings flabbergasted him. Dirk figured his fascination would diminish over time, but it would not bother him either way.

It took a short while for them to near their destination, but eventually the grassy landscape which was decorated with trees and peaceful flowers and park benches was just in their grasp. The open air felt refreshing, and much less constricting than the limited space between the massive buildings behind them.

"Well, here we are," Dirk introduced while his shaded hues scanned here and there for some sort of entertainment. A pair of tall and lanky males about their age stood with their backs to them, playing guitars together and singing aimlessly of love and earthly desires. One appeared to have a bit of an accent, and his hair was pushed back. Glasses framed his eyes and a purple streak ran through his dark locks. The other had unkempt black tresses and a lazy slur to his tone. There were coins and bills of assortment in their guitar cases and a few bystanders were watching with admiration.

Jake's eyes were immeasurably wide. It was almost puppy-like how he stared so avidly at simple things like he had never them before in his life. It was nearly clear that he had grown up in solitude and this was his first time in public. Dirk diagnosed it as a natural sense of curiosity and left it at that.

"So what's to do here then? Anything exciting?" English inquired, his smile broadening.

"Well we've got the local entertainment here," Dirk joked while jabbing a finger at the other pair. Jake observed them for a moment or two, then turned his head elsewhere.

"To be honest, I'd like to sit down if you don't mind. I didn't know we'd have to walk that far!"

Dirk nodded his head nonchalantly and lead the way to a faded bench. Couples had carved their initials in to the aged wood, others had done the same with with messages of voice and sincerity- exclaims about important matters and various other statements. It felt relieving to sit and relax for both males. Dirk had one ankle resting on his knee. His back was slouched lazily and coolly. Citrus hued eyes grazed over the tops of trees, bordered the grass and examined the cross walk made of gravel. Jake had been sitting upright, his shoulders in straight alignment. From behind rectangular rims his verdant orbs watched with genuine fascination the simple, natural and frankly common things witnessed at a local park. It was not that he had never seen things like that before, it was that he never had seen them in another _country_. It amazed him beyond belief that the world could be so similar, even with thousands of miles distance apart between areas. The wonder and pure impossibility of it all awestruck him to an extent beyond measure or comparison.

"Bro, what are you thinking about? You seem pretty lost or something," Dirk asked suddenly. He hoped that in doing so he would have a better understanding of how Jake's mind worked, and maybe that way his goal would further become foolproof.

"Huh? Oh!" Jake shook himself back in to the reality surrounding him, "Just of how small the world really is. It's kind of surreal to me I guess. There's so much opportunity for adventure, but things can be so similar too...If that makes any kind of sense."

Dirk blinked, his blonde brows raised. He had never really thought of the world in that sort of way and he had to admit it was a captivating subject in itself. Until then he did not think that his companion was thinking much of anything complex in regards to his surroundings, but now that he knew he was a little shocked.

"It makes perfect sense, English. That's actually a pretty cool way to think of things."

"Is it really?" Green eyes lit up brightly, and a toothy smile came forth to be a little bigger and a little more cheery than before, "I've only begun to think that since I've been here, actually."

For a moment or two, the pair was entirely silent- maybe from lack of things to say, or perhaps from appreciation of their common knowledge. Dirk was the first to break the silence. "So, Britain is a lot like it is here then?" a curious tone inquired.

"In some ways, I guess it is. Like, there's the same kinds of trees, and scampery little critters running around."

Dirk draped his arm over the back of the bench and nodded his head in a sort of sense of mutual understanding. His fingers could feel Jake's body heat just faintly which was warm and comforting.

"Anyways, what do you suppose we should try doing?" Jake asked as he turned his head to address his friend sincerely. He had failed to notice a few nimble fingers involuntarily (though that did not necessarily mean they did not enjoy it) lace in to his tresses.

"I'm not sure. It's up to you, really. There's a few sites with some pretty cool modern art," Dirk replied. He knew as well of a magnificent fountain directly in the center of the vast landscape with multiple descending tiers and sparkling crystal clear water, but that was an attraction better naturally suited for romance. He did plan on visiting it with Jake, however it was something that he needed to build up the courage to do, which would take time. Not to mention that it appeared even more majestic and dreamy at the fall of dusk, and he intended on making the moment absolutely perfect.

Jake seemed to be interested in the idea of visiting the art structures, thankfully. He found it alluring for there to be such a thing so casually constructed in such a public place as a park, but he was excited nonetheless. When they approached the closest one he could not even begin to hide the blinding glimmer in his eyes. It was a strange collection of vibrant scarlet beams which twisted and turned around one another in mesmerizing patterns and ways. For Dirk it had been nothing new- he had seen it many times and there were many others like it. For Jake however, it was like nothing he had ever seen before. The columns were massive, puzzling and extraordinary. In fact it was completely and entirely uncanny.

"Wow! This is...it's fascinating! I thought it a bit cooky the idea of art being here, but this is exemplary! Are you seeing this?"

"Only for about the fifth time. I guess here and Britain really aren't all that similar, huh?"

Jake circled around the monument a few times to observe it from every angle, and finally seemed to be done and over with it. By that time Dirk was anxious to move on, or perhaps it had just been a sudden case of itchy feet. They reached their acquired destination relatively quickly, speaking to one another casually as they would on the way there. At one moment when Jake was speaking of one thing or another, Dirk had been jealously examining a couple joking with one another and holding hands while sharing a few cheerful kisses. He felt light-headed just looking at them but found it surprisingly difficult to peel his eyes away. Jake, who had been lost in his own world, had not noticed at all. Dirk was thankful for this since he tended to try and keep his feelings, especially jealousy, at bay or hidden entirely.

Now they stood in front of yet another structure, admiring it closely. Jake took a few minutes to examine it more closely. His grin and his eyes were wider than the ocean, and Dirk paid more attention to him than to the array of colors and bends before his shaded eyes; the way that Jake became spellbound and excited by each and every angle he observed was positively wondrous, and undeniably adorable.

"Can we go see that fountain next, mommy?" a small child yanked on her mother's shirt, her blue eyes massive and pleading. Unfortunately her voice was exceptionally loud. Dirk's eyes immediately flicked from her to Jake, and...shit. He heard.

_Dammit_, a disappointed and frustrated Strider thought to himself. He had worked hard and been careful to avoid not only the mention but also the location of the most romantic landmark in the vicinity. His efforts were lost in just a split second, and Jake was already making his way en route to Dirk's position.

"Did you hear that? A fountain! I bet it's grand."

Dirk just shrugged.

"Well come, let's go find it!"

He had to bite his tongue to keep from cursing that girl aloud. "Alright bro. I know exactly where it is, follow me."

Jake's eyes lit up like fireworks. He could not hide the prominent bounce in his step, nor the ecstatic expression on his face and this in all its elegance almost eliminated Dirk's anger entirely. Almost.

Consumed by his own excitement Jake had remained silent for the trip. Dirk chose not to speak; with not much to say but perhaps a string of furious curses, what was the point in wasting his breath? By the time they had reached their destination Dirk had run himself in to a deep hole of disappointment and defeat. However he had not yet lost his sense of diligence and he most certainly was not ready to give up on his plans.

"Gadzooks..." Jake gawked. The landmark was fantastic- it coruscated a yellow glow from the sun and twinkled beautifully. The enchanting way that the clear water fell from each ceramic tier was absolutely and completely breathtaking. English was, in a sense of whole, entirely awestruck from his crown to his toes. Even Dirk, who had been apathetic up to that point found himself entranced by the image before his eyes. This sort of state he had found himself in nearly made him miss his chance.

Jake's feet had carried him to the attraction as if he were naturally magnetized to it. The closer he got the more alive he had felt, and by the time his knees gently struck the edge and the droplets splashed on to his face, peppering his cheeks with moisture, he felt as if he were not even earthbound. As if he were floating, actually.

Dirk had not realized the loss of Jake's presence until the raven was already directly in front of the fountain. This was the Strider's opportunity, and he was determined to seize it at all costs.

With a deep inhalation, a mustering of courage and a faithful step forward, he was on his way. Before he could even think of what he was doing, Dirk was at Jake's side. He carefully slipped off his triangular shades, blinked away the blinding sun and tucked the pair in to his pocket. He had to force his trepidation down to the pit of his stomach, where it began to fester and make his heart race with adrenaline.

This was it. If he blew it that would be the end of it all.

Jake had barely taken notice of his friend's aura. His eyes were too focused on the once-in-a-lifetime scene before him to even acknowledge the tall blonde at all.

That only lasted a matter of seconds.

Jake could feel fingers, followed by a palm slipping in to his own. He was startled by the affectionate advance so much so that it clouded his sense to where he hardly realized he was being spun on his feet to face a familiar figure.

Those bright and unique eyes entrapped his being quicker than he was prepared for. They were lavish with varying emotion- the feelings ebbing from those orbs was almost tangible; they reflected amour, determination and an extreme level of utter, complete and overall _terror_. Jake never would have guessed that such a collection of expression could be so fantastically stunning. With the sensation of a slight breeze from the rushing water, and already being plunged in to a dream like state, the scenario was in itself a memorable, rich and relishing moment.

"We should start over," a deep and empowering, yet gentle and coquetry tone intruded the atmosphere with a sense of fleeting grace, "Completely. I'd like to go out with you. Nothing serious, I'm not going to push you to do things you may not be comfortable with just yet. Just casual, nonchalant dating. What do you say?" Dirk flashed a smirk that if it had its own voice would be as equally eloquent and radiant as himself, "It can't be much different than this."


	5. An Apology

/-/ Hey everyone. I really apologize for the tardiness of Chapter 4, I know some have been asking for it. I would have had it in a lot sooner, but this has been a very busy weekend for me and I've only had short periods to try and type it up. I promise it will be posted within the next few days, but for now it is unfinished. Thanks for being patient! \-\


	6. Chapter 4

/-/ And so it begins. Enjoy the cuteness whilst it is available to you, for it shall not remain much longer. \-\

Chapter 4-

Jake could not believe his ears, nor his eyes. He had lost all sense of his surroundings, his reality. All that remained in his world was a pair of citrus colored - absolutely infatuating - orbs, along with they face they belonged to. He felt a strange sort of sensation begin to rush through each one of his veins with a purpose none other than to fill him up with this foreign energy. With ease the feeling had pushed past the boundaries of adrenaline and in to a realm which he may not credit himself as able to understand. The air around him refused to fill his lungs. In the confines of his cranium, he called out for mercy from this obscene power. A voice - sounding all in all like his own echo - instructed him a simple request. "Do it" it said, and the tone rose up past his ears and in his head like inescapable water. He could hear nothing but the pound of his own heart as he said, "yes."

All too fast the water rushed form his ears, cleared up his vision and returned him to a state of general normality. "That can't be too bad! It's worth a shot."

Dirk stared with his body unable to move. He could only faintly feel a hand against his own. With the fear that in that moment everything in the world was dangerously fragile, he even breathed shallow enough so as not to break the glass around them. Risking his tranquility was too high - he could not bear to see it be reduced to dust. Even as he spoke his lips would move slowly and carefully; the least amount that was possible. "I could just kiss you right now."

"Uhh," Jake blinked, the apples of his cheeks altering to a soft shade of pink, "Let's save that for another time, don't you think?"

Dirk nodded in understanding. His fingers, though unquestionable yearning to lace between the other nimble set had recognized their insistence and fell back to his side.

Jake felt light-headed and nauseous and leaned his weight against the edge of the fountain. He felt - above all - overwhelmed. Without being in the United States for more than 24 hours he had already been on a rollercoaster of melodramatics, sappy romance scenes and conflicting emotions that seemed to wind their way tighter around his throat with every breath he managed to take. Out of instinct to a growing migraine his fingers had begun to roll in to his temples, providing remedy enough to his nerves.

Dirk was swelled up with guilt. He could not shake the feeling that he was not only overwhelming his friend, but was now pressuring him in to a relationship he did not want to be in. "Jake..." he started. His body, finally experiencing the ability to move had leaned against the ceramic edge next to his friend. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know. Based by how you're acting, I'd say I've been doing nothing more than making you completely stressed. Hell, you've barely been here a day an-"

"That was nice."

"...Pardon?"

"It was just like a scene from a movie. Why, I- you positively took my breath away. I know I've said before that I'd be in to you if you were a girl, but...I don't think I care much either way. Well, we're already good chums and all, I figure it wouldn't hurt to take our relationship as friends to the next level. I mean, you're a great looking guy and you're definitely smart, cool, polite..." Jake trailed off, unable to find the right words anymore. Dirk gawked at his companion. By then his shades had made their way back on to his face again and with good reason too - it not only covered the tint to his freckled cheeks but it completely masked the uncool, unironic and undeniable hopeful glimmer in his eyes. If only it hid that huge stupid grin too.

"Thanks man, you're pretty great yourself you know," he complimented wholeheartedly.

"Not as great as you!"

"Yea," Dirk agreed, "You're better, no ifs ands or buts."

"I don't believe that one bit," countered Jake.

"You'd better believe it."

"I won't"

"I'll splash you."

"You wouldn't dare," he provoked, metaphorically sniffing at the promising aroma of a challenge.

"But I would," Dirk assured. The tension and trepidation in his shoulders had been eased well enough for him to comfortably reach in to the cold bubbling water behind him and throw a generous handful at Jake's back.

Cool water had soaked through English's shirt and on to his skin. The temperature had raised the hair on the back of his neck, but he quickly sought his revenge by returning the action and commented, "Maybe I read you wrong Strider," he joked, "It's rude to splash your boyfriend."

"You're pretty loose with that term," Dirk replied as he sent another toss of water Jake's way.

"It's only appropriate," the dark haired one of the pair suggested, backing up his argument with a counter-splash.

"I think you're more comfortable with this than I am," the Strider proposed with another splash. By then they had turned toward each other, arms at the ready and battle smirks cut on to their lips with a scalpel.

"You'd better step up your game then Strider," Jake said with a voice of adherence. Whilst Dirk had been distracted, Jake delivered a wave of all waves and completely soaked his sneering blonde friend.

Dirk looked up, his once feathery and free spirited hair dripping and sticking to his face. His mouth had been a thin and emotionless line. He stood up, casting an intimidating shadow upon a scared looking Englishman with vast and pleading eyes.

"Strider, I-"

Dirk did not allow for one other word, not even another syllable to pass through Jake's lips before he flipped the figure entirely in to the water. The few bystanders who had been watching their water battle in amusement had gasped aloud. Jake sat up, all his clothes completely waterlogged, his dark tufts plastered to his skin and head, his glasses slick with moisture - and a giant grin on his face beyond all measure.

For a moment or two they stared at each other with no words to speak on their lips or tongues, and no actions to perform besides their own shallow breathing.

Jake was the first to laugh. From then their joyful cackles were indistinguishable from one another. Somewhere in their fit of hysteria, Dirk had helped Jake to his feet and out of his watery prison. They spent the next few minutes leaning on the other for support as their sides split.

"Bro the look on your face as you fell was priceless," Dirk croaked between gasping breaths.

"I thought you were angry with me! You really had me fooled there!"

"Hell yea. I'm like some sort of Shakespearean actor or some shit, fooling everyone. They're like, 'that guy is made as hell, people better watch out' and I'm like, 'I ain't even mad, I was just kidding.'"

The pair broke in to another fit of heavy laughter as Dirk's sentence finished. Each thought they would collapse at any moment, their lungs dysfunctional from lack of air. It took a short while, but they built up enough strength to make their way to a bench bordering the crosswalk. As their hysterical feat died down enough for them to breathe well enough, the chill temperature of the moisture on their bodies finally began to catch up with them. They begin to shiver as they giggled, now focusing more on their discomfort than their laughter.

"Hey man, you look cold."

"I assure you, I'm all right!" Jake lied.

"Your teeth are chattering. You want to go home and change?"

Jake turned his head toward the route back to the apartment building. He was squinting in an effort to see clearly since his glasses were currently in his hand as he desperately tried to dry them off - it was a futile struggle, his clothes were much too damp to accomplish anything. Dirk had realized his efforts and used the dry side of his shirt to do the job. Jake had thanked him and slipped the frames back on, drawing his arms around himself to try and retain his body heat. "I'm not sure I'm up for taking the walk of shame back."

"I'm right there with you," Dirk said. He shook his head vigorously for a moment in attempts to toss any remaining water off of his hair, which had lost a great deal of its flattering volume from the splash. This had unraveled his inner under-confidence, and he had not stopped trying to fix it since the unexpected shower. "How about we catch a taxi?"

"Will we come back? Or go someplace else?"

"If you're up for it, that sounds fine to me."

Dirk had stood and offered his helping hand down to Jake, who took the polite gesture and followed soon after.

Dirk could hardly breathe. It was not a surprise to him that Jake had accepted his kind action, but even after he had stood their hands remained together. It was - wholly and without doubt - like a dream of his coming true right in front of him. As he looked to Jake, he could not contain his smile at all - English was blushing radiantly from cheek to cheek. The crimson was vibrant and lively. To make the appearance of his face even more becoming, he flashed a crooked smirk which flaunted his large front teeth in a way that was not specifically dorky, but also charismatic. All of it was lost when Dirk felt those fingers slipping away from him. He lost his smile instantaneously and pinched his lips in a sort of apologetic and sorrowful way. His fist clenched involuntarily, but he nodded in order to assure his understanding and started toward the road. Delicate footfalls resounded behind him which indicated that Jake had been following.

Dirk never realized how cold an empty hand could feel.

Jake had tried to make idle conversation on the trip, but Dirk would not have it. He could not muster up the courage or the energy to open his mouth. Jake did not seem to mind, or even really notice - he just continued to talk, unphased by the thick, dark aura that Dirk was wallowing in.

Had it been so long? Dirk could only recall a ghost of the feeling of being with another person. That was before he knew, before he realized that he wanted only one person in the world - Jake English. He had been feeling lonely, and empty. The only thing that would fill the hole in his chest, even for just a moment, was the bitter tingle of alcohol serenading him in to a dizzy and pitiful slumber. That night he had slept on the floor outside of his apartment. He could not remember how long he slept - maybe an hour, maybe a minute - but when he was awoken he still felt fuzzy-headed, still had his buzz, and there was an infatuating woman standing over him. Her smile was gentle, her voice was chipper and sweet which had been underlined with a sense of intelligence she perhaps preferred to hide. She had helped him up, clumsily fished his keys out of his pocket, and opened the door to guide him inside. She claimed that she knew him in a way, with a confident and bubbly giggle. She had seen him a few times and thought he was undeniably attractive, and now she could not help herself and just had to meet him officially. He sat and nodded, his vision unclear and his body growing numb. As the seconds passed they grew closer. Their mouths refused to speak any longer as they passionately met one another. The moment was heated and intense; soon enough, though he was unsure of how it happened, he was on top of her. They were holding hands, he vaguely remembered. As they went on his buzz had diminished and he felt awful. Bile threatened to spew from his throat, but the worst part was that he did not know the reason why - was it the alcohol? His guilt? His shame in himself? His own unforgiving disgust? Or was it a mixture of it all? He could not remember her name very well as he finished, so the name of his most beloved and trusted friend from overseas came out through pants and moans. She heard. He could not recall well, but he swore she looked hurt. But she understood. With him now sober enough to speak, he explained the situation. It was her turn to nod now, to try and comprehend. He assured that it was not her fault, but he had tried so desperately to save himself until _that _person was ready, if they ever were, and that he was ashamed. She gave him a smile and decided to leave. He watched with self-pity, disgusted in his choices and sorry for her. When she was gone he rushed to the bathroom and began to sob. His throat burned and his nose stung as he knelt before the toilet. Since that night he had secluded himself from the world and its people. All that was anything to him was his computer and his two best friends, who had just so happened to be on there as well. He had quit his job, but luckily his older brother was willing to share his immense profits from movie-making with his family - which evidently was specifically his younger brother. Dirk had refused to speak of that night to anyone, especially not Jake. In fact since he had been so appalled by his own nefarious actions, Dirk even avoided talking to him at all for a while. That was when Jake had come to him with a proposal. He said that he had gotten a lengthy vacation from work - it was not until later that he had admitted he had refused vacations for a while just so that he could visit the states, Texas specifically - and he wished to come and stay with Dirk for a while. For a prolonged stretch Dirk had thought it was a horrendous idea. He would have never admitted it, but it was true. Nevertheless he had eventually conjured a plan to right his wrong; he would forget the past occurrence and go about trying to win over the one he really loved and cared for instead of some stranger.

Presently that was not working so well.

"Strider?" Jake implored. His tone had been filled with an exclamation of astonishment as well as panic. "Strider, do you plan on just walking to the middle of the road?"

Dirk looked down. One of his feet was in the road, and the other was attempting to follow suit. He had forgotten his reality for an instant and had almost wandered directly in to the heavy city traffic. That would have been seriously uncool.

"Don't worry about me bro. I'm just trying to spot out a taxi for us," Dirk lied. Jake seemed to buy it and nodded his head slowly. Dirk scanned the road and spotted a yellow service vehicle heading their way. He flagged it down and coaxed his friend forward. One they were inside the car, the driver asked them where they were headed. His voice was a bit harsh and he had a hint of a lisp as well. He seemed disturbed if not offended by the fact that the boys were soaking wet.

"Skaia Apartments," Dirk said, and the driver sighed and pulled on to the main road. He seemed to be disappointed in himself most of all. From the rear-view mirror Dirk could see bags under their escort's eyes.

It was a quiet trip. Be as it may that the duration was short as well, that did not begin to hinder the thickness of the atmosphere. Eventually the driver had flicked on the radio, grumbling something incoherent with a roll of his eyes. After the pass of about two minutes, he seemed fed-up. It became increasingly obvious that he wished to be rid of his unwanted company - his actions had become rushed, deliberate and insistent. The screech of a car horn ripped through the air and startled English visibly.

"I had the right of way, fucker!" the driver exclaimed as he whipped around the corner. Dirk chuckled quietly, an acknowledging smirk on his face. On another note, Jake looked frightened. His emerald eyes sought comfort in their vast terror, looking only to his companion for the support he may not only wave wanted, but needed. Dirk sympathized with him since he understood completely. His first taxi ride was frightening as well, but by then it was just a smooth ride for him.

"You okay?" Dirk mouthed. Jake fumbled with his decision for a moment or two, unsure of what his answer could or should be. On one hand he was absolutely terrified for his lifer; on the other, Dirk looked so calm and collected - Jake did not want to appear weak in the presence of, jesus tap dancing christ, his _boyfriend _of all people. That term was so...awkward to him. It felt odd on his tongue and his lips, he knew because he could still taste the sour dryness in his mouth even from minutes before.

English must have questioned himself a thousand times over. Did he really, truly wish to be in a relationship like this? The only person he had ever been with lived countless miles away from him and they had never even met in person. For a while the long-distance thing had been working out remarkably. They were each awkward, silly people and seemed to fit one another to a 'T'. However overtime their so-called "relationship" became increasingly difficult to maintain. Love overseas could only go so long until someone became restless - in this case it had been her. She was definitely more fond of him than he had been of her, but that was not something he could help. He was raised in a sort of secluded home; both him and his grandmother who housed him preferred the confines of their property over most of the cruel world. They were content with their stories of adventure, and made one another smile even if he experienced bad days at school, even if the bullying got worse, even if he could not bear it anymore and begged to be home-schooled with hot tears in his eyes. As a result he was frightfully inexperienced when it came to social activity - especially dating. Eventually the tension between them became absolutely insufferable. He was surprised when she was the one to break it off. She was hurt, no doubt. In fact she did not wish to do it all. Unfortunately it was the only way for them to be happy overtime. They still spoke avidly as friends, but there had been no doubt that the romance was gone entirely. Ever since then he had felt quite empty though. There was a desire inside of him that yearned for the luscious burn of amour - love was an adventure, but no matter how hard he had tried he could not begin to fathom it at all. And yet here he was, running himself in to the same hole he had been stuck inside before. No matter how much his heart desired the embers of passion, his brain was terrified.

Dirk tilted his head with a look of expectancy on his face. Jake nodded, at first slowly, but as he began to convince himself the hesitation was lost.

The screech of brakes shot his heart in to his throat.

"We're here. Now hurry up, I've got dutieth."

Dirk slipped the grumpy driver a tip and the fare. He thought about taking his time with exiting the vehicle just for the purpose of irony, but he was growing colder by the second and really needed to change his sopping wet clothes. So, he stepped on to the pavement and waited for a shaky, nervous Jake to do the same. The moment that his door had shut, the vehicle sped off to leave them in the dust. Dirk looked over to Jake, who was leaning against the short gate bordering a small patch of flowers and a young tree, his eyes saucer-sized and panic in his veins.

"That was terrifying! Are all chauffeurs like that?!"

"That was nothing. At least he didn't run any red lights," Dirk argued, reminiscing.

"Ah - yea. That's what I meant," Jake chuckled that kind of chuckle that screamed 'I'm terrified, but I won't admit it'. "What an adventure right? I can't wait for the next time!"

"Uh-huh," Dirk shook his head and wore a weak smirk on his face. Jake seemed well enough to walk and so they began their journey back to the apartment with soggy clothes and aloof expressions.

Each male was caught in a whirl of memories and emotions they were not quite ready to experience yet. Their heads felt dizzy and confused, and their hearts were not in any better shape. Partially healed wounds began to resurface with a vicious vengeance and forced their heads down along with their smiles. The worst part - possibly - was that neither was aware of the other's pain. Dirk had only met Jake's ex after their breakup and had been completely unaware of the past situation. To him, she was just a mutual friend. Jake had been entirely in the dark about Dirk's heartbreak as well and had also not been informed of the scandal.

Not even a word of acknowledgement passed as they sorted through their clothes to change. Dirk occupied the bathroom, a beneficial choice since he required a mirror to spruce up his hair. It had - for the most part - dried completely and was much easier to work with at the time. However the underside had still been a little damp, and so he took his blow dryer and began the noisy stream of hot air immediately. Soon enough his wet mop was a volumous image of light blonde spikes. Some of the fluffy tufts fell in to his narrow glowing eyes. His lashes were lengthy and flattering, but he could not resist resenting those uncanny windows. "Always wear your shades lil' bro" his older sibling and singular parental figure would advise, "people in this world are always trying to hate on us Striders. We're different. I know you may not want to, but you're gonna fuckin' do it, okay?"

Dirk sighed. The mirror sighed right back at him, and blinked as he did. Sometimes he pretended that his reflection was someone else. Someone he missed. Someone who not only empathized with his problems, but listened as avidly as he would to him. They were close for a while there; sparring with one another for practice and fun, sharing jokes and the pleasure of irony. As the years ticked by however they had drifted apart. They rarely talked - one of them was almost always busy, and it was usually _him. _Let brothers be brothers Dirk had always said.

"Strider?" Jake called through the door, "I, uh - well, I was thinking that maybe we shouldn't go back. I've kind of...had my fill for today. A chap can only take so much, you know?" he stuttered as he unceremoniously dug out an excuse, "Unless you want to go back? I'm alright with that too!"

Dirk slipped on his shades, ran a hand through his descending fringe, and opened the door. Jake's startled eyes still had remnants of sorrow lingering in their shine. His T-shirt, a forest and lime green striped top, hugged his lean and slender torso in all the right places. A simple pair of khaki shorts came to his knees and seemed to bring life to his natural image. Dirk wore a solid-toned orange shirt and paired it with a pair of blue jeans which grew tighter as they neared his calves. They were faded at the knees, giving him a vintage sort of look altogether. They were a fairly new pair, but each time he put them on they seemed bigger. "That's fine with me."

In truth Dirk was feeling nauseous. If he had not known any better, he would have pleaded ill. But he knew what was ailing him.

He just refused to admit it.

After a brief discussion between them they had both agreed it would be best to take a moment and simply relax. That way they could do as they pleased and no one would be getting in anyone's way. Dirk immediately began to make himself a cup of coffee. Not only would the caffeine help to keep him conscious, but he was easily able to slip spoonfuls of sugar in to the steamy drink without guilt. As he sipped the brew he had to force down each drop; yes the sweetness overcame the bitter aftertaste marvelously, but something was still wrong about the whole thing.

Jake had resided himself to his laptop, a bulky thing with many years behind it. Dirk helped him connect to the wi-fi and went on his way to the spare room. The scent of long hours and busy nights almost calmed his convulsing stomach. He sat his cup down on a clear space atop his worktable and immediately began to labor himself. It may have been hours until he resurfaced. He trailed through the hall to his bedroom where an electric blue light shone from underneath the door. The light was of, but Jake was laying across Dirk's bed typing avidly on his laptop.

"Oh! Uh...Dirk!" he sputtered, his head turning at the sound of the door, "I thought maybe you had fallen asleep, I hope you don;t mind me laying here, unless you would like to go to bed?"

"Nah, it's cool. I just need to order a part for my buddy in there. You can sleep there tonight if you like," Dirk explained as he unearthed his own notebook and turned the device on. It booted up quickly and showed an image of a cheerful blue pony with a vibrant multicolored mane as his background. He smirked at the image and opened up his browser. The familiar ping of a chat message came from Jake's direction which caused Dirk to raise his brow and peek over at his guest.

"Jane?"

"You got it," Jake replied, his fingers flying as he responded.

"Shoot her a greeting for me, will you? It's been a while," the blonde said as he ignored the web history imprinted in to the forefront of his brain - hours long of heavy, detailed research only to come up with more questions, more disappointment, and especially more fear. He could not deny it much longer, and that is what scared him the most.

"Sure! But if you want to talk she is available."

"That's alright," Dirk said as he shut his laptop, "I'm done on here anyways. I've got work to do," as he said this he stretched his arms over his head and a loud row of pops resounded from his back. A deep exhalation hissed from his lips a moment after which expressed his relief in a verbal sort of way. Jake raised his head and craned his neck at the noise, a look of worry in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Hey, you didn't tell her about what happened did you?"

"No. Did you want me to?"

"Well it's kind of embarrassing, and a guy's got to keep up his image for the women in his life even if he is a flamer."

"Right. Consider my lips sealed - er...fingers."

With not another word of response, Dirk left the room to return to his work. Until the morning after he had remained adherent to his tasks. By the end of it all his fingers ached and his back was familiarly sore; but he was making quick progress and that satisfied him deeply. He was unaware of exactly what time it had been when he decided to call it quits but he was tired, overworked and in need of a shower. So, that was exactly what he had got to doing. By the time he was finished, Jake would probably be awake already. That did not bother him, and definitely did not cause him hesitation as he cranked on the lukewarm stream and shimmied out of his clothes . Steam soon began to circle around the room, clinging to the mirror and producing ghostly fog in each corner and shadow. The warm water ran down his knotted back and heated him from the inside. Slowly but surely he had been lowered in to a state of serene comfort. Eventually he gave up on trying to keep his eyes open and just _experienced _the moment as it was meant to be. He took his time getting clean, spending most of the duration just purely thinking and nothing much more. The minutes turned in to hours and finally the water became too ice cold to bear. His teeth began to chatter as he turned off the glinting chrome spout. Now entirely more refreshed, Dirk tucked a towel around his waist and entered his misty surroundings. His ears detected movement outside of the door and assumed his suspicions correct; Jake had awoken for the day. Dirk fired up his blow dryer and started on his hair - the flat dripping mop turned quickly in to a volumous, feathery head of luscious hair. His orange toothbrush was soon protruding past his lips as he cleaned his teeth using small and deliberate circles. It was only a matter of time before he was ready to get changed and took a step in to the hall, followed by crossing the way to his bedroom. Jake was just getting himself up; his glasses were off and he was yawning in to a powerful stretch. at the noise of the door one of his eyes had creaked open, but it proved to be a futile effort - he needed to squint to even begin to make sense of anything.

Dirk brushed past him and headed to his wardrobe, where he selected a casual ensemble for the day along with necessary undergarments. Nimble fingers absently scratched at the tender skin harboring a silver bar on the right side of his collarbone. He did not seem phased in the slightest by his companion, who was standing just a few feet away. In fact he had been comfortable enough to begin changing without a second thought. Jake appeared to be a bit disquieted by the scenario but swallowed down his nervousness and said, "You really should stop sleeping in that room of yours, it can't be comfortable!"

"Didn't sleep," Dirk mumbled as he buttoned up his pants.

"Wh-what?" Jake breathed, a bit startled.

"Lost track of time. It's no big deal, 's happened before."

"You amaze me at times, Mr. Strider. You don't seem tired at all!"

"I'm not tired," replied Dirk, who was only kind of lying. Jake seemed impressed by the fib; his optimistic grin had been uncontrollable and warm. Dirk could sense the heat of it from where he stood, but he craved more. In fact more than anything he longed for the taste of that smile on his own, at least one more time. Alas Jake was not quite ready to share his flavor, and Dirk knew to respect that at all costs (at least when sober). "I am hungry though."

"Well I'm right with you on that one chap! I haven't had myself a bite in ages. I'm famished!"

"Yea," Dirk absently ran his fingers over his raised ribs which were sheathed by his shirt, "tell me about it."

The pair made their way to the kitchen at a leisurely pace. Dirk calmly suggested ways of breakfast, and Jake quickly agreed. Dirk had wasted no time in starting their meal, instantly becoming a bullet which darted around adherent to searching for ingredients and tools. He had already begun chopping up potatoes when Jake decided to speak up.

"I don't suppose I could try and help, could I? I feel bad with you doing all the work."

"Eh, man, sorry to break it to you but I prefer to work alone on stuff like this," Dirk said as he labored himself.

"Ah- well, that's okay," Jake mumbled.

The air took a shift around them. It weighed with feeling of rejection, or being unwanted. Jake was not only experiencing this, but Dirk could sense it too. Jake was simply used to assisting those around him; after so many years of taking precaution and care with his grandmother, hr almost made a habit out of it. In truth he felt out of place without helping those around him, like some sort of exile.

"Turn on the burners to a medium setting for me, will you?" Dirk asked in order to break the silence.

"I thought-"

"You really think I can stand to have my best bro sulking around? Just do it."

Jake began to beam; he nodded once with overcoming enthusiasm and fulfilled Dirk's request quickly. Slowly Dirk became more and more accustomed to the idea of someone helping him around the kitchen. Perhaps it was who exactly _was _assisting him that moved him to accept the fact at all. Regardless of the reason, he had to admit that as things progressed he did begin to enjoy the help - Jake and him made an incredible team. Though the closet-sized kitchen was tightly packed, each body effortlessly whizzed around the other. In no time the mouth watering smell of fluffy eggs, fresh vegetables and lightly browned toast filled the air and encircled their beings. Dirk was surprised at how well Jake not only learned things but also how much of a natural chef he had been. The Strider dismissed it as a skill he had picked up from living with a quirky woman, but he could not complain.

"You're actually pretty good at this. I'm shocked. Most of the time good looks don't come easily with skill too," said Dirk, who had just thoroughly chewed his first bite of omelette and swallowed it down.

"Oh! Well thank you," Jake replied. He took a swig of orange juice and started again, "for both compliments."

"Anytime bro. I've got plenty where that came from."

'Let's, uhh, keep those at bay until they're appropria-"

"Sexy," Dirk blurted with a smirk. His raised eyebrow and sinister grin proposed a challenge in itself; it was a harmless expression but nevertheless Jake had felt intimidated.

Or perhaps a better word was flattered.

"Stop that!" he exclaimed half-sarcastically.

"Never. Stunning."

"Quit it," Jake insisted, his cheeks radiant and his fingers tossing chunks of hashbrown at a pair of tinted glasses.

"Charismatic and flabbergasting," continued the blonde - his superior grin had grown to immeasurable broadness.

"I'm serious!" Jake cried out through chuckles.

"Fantastic."

"Bollocks! Won't you listen to me you persistent bloke, I s-"

Jake blinked. When he had not been paying attention, Dirk had leaned across the table completely. The very tips of their noses were gently against each other; the air they breathed molded in to one body of atmosphere. Dirk still sported that menacing grin, whereas Jake was slowly developing his own smirk. A second passed. Their foreheads delicately leaned against one another. For a short moment all they did was stare in to each other's eyes - Dirk in to emerald saucers and Jake in to hardly distinguishable, coquetry orbs.

"Perfect," mumbled the taller male.

Jake's flesh ignited. He could almost see the crimson himself, or at least he could imagine. Dirk noticed and was tempted to feel that warmth with his lips.

_No. Don't do anything you'll regret again. _

__He sat back, determined to respect the personal space of his guest. There was something however that he had not known; Jake was, in that moment, as ready as ever to share his first _meaningful _kiss. In fact, he was a little disappointed that he had not.

Dirk could not keep his eyes off of his guest. He swore that somewhere hidden inside those verdant lookers was...regret? Possibly, however he was leaning more toward the theory of disappointment more than anything. Has Jake really wanted to kiss him? Dirk sure could fantasize if it was not true, there was no doubt in that. A few moments passed and the boys had been staring into one another's eyes - or at least what they could make of such - until finally Jake broke his stare and shoveled another bite of food in to his mouth. Dirk took that as some sort of cue to cease his stare and meddle with his own portion. He had lost his appetite suddenly and decided to just poke at the various bits left on his plate.

"Jake, did you, uh..." Dirk began. His throat closed up with nervousness, making it nearly impossible to speak and even harder to breathe. Jake had looked up at him, a curiousness in his eyes and an expecting curve in his brows. With a shake of his head Dirk mumbled, "Nevermind..." and so Jake returned to his meal and thought nothing more of it.

_Why can't you just say something?_

__It took not even a minute for Dirk's impatience in himself to catch up. He abruptly stood and took his dishes to the sink, where e rinsed them off and placed them in to the dishwasher. Jake followed soon after, being a bit distraught by the atmosphere. He did not think that his desire to finally kiss was all that obvious, but maybe he had misjudged Dirk's sense of deception. He had felt a little guilty, like perhaps he should have taken matters in to his own hands. After all he had denied the advance on multiple cases. He reasoned that maybe Dirk believed he would not be ready; or maybe he thought it was polite to ask but he was embarrassed.

"Hey, Dirk," English started, "how about we go to one of those parties? Well that is if you didn't have other plans."

"You still want to go to one of those things?" the blonde wondered aloud, "even after what happened?"

At this point he had spun around only to be met with a grinning face. A bit puzzled, his brow had curiously raised.

"I don't mind babysitting."

"Wow okay, rude."

"Don't worry yourself about it, it was only a joke."

"I know," Dirk announced with a chuckle, "get yourself ready then. At things like that, you want to blend in. Don't let yourself stand out."

"Right, that makes sense. I'll get on that then."

Jake left the room quickly to go dress himself. The ominous aura lingering in the room since the moment he had mentioned the party had disquieted him; he sought to rid himself of it as soon as possible.

Dirk soon found himself leaning against the wall, the bridge of his nose in his fingertips and an unwanted migraine stabbing at his temples.

"Fuck," he hissed, "you're gonna kill me English, I swear."

Jake could feel the bass overpowering him the closer they became to the door. It vibrated the floor beneath him and had already swallowed up his feet. Soon enough it was making its way up his calves and filling him with energy. He had dressed himself in neutral colors; a grey shirt along with some brown, tight-fitted pants. Simple, casual. Just as intended.

The two of them shared glances before Dirk made a move to open the door. It was always unlocked, he knew that to be true. There was no use in trying to soothe his dry throat - it always became dryer each time he swallowed.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, and was soon answered by a nod. The door opened to reveal a pulsing crowd of strangers. Each artifact of furniture was covered with some person, most of them being unconscious. People who were not dancing shattered with one another, struggling to hear over the pound of the music. A girl with nearly-white, short hair held a martini glass loosely. Her nails were a vibrant shade of pink which matched her uncanny eyes. Her smile was broad and charismatic, distracting from her slurred words. It was no time before she noticed her guests, or new ones at that. He uncoordinated steps made their way toward the pair, drink sloshing and free arm waving cheerfully.

"Dirkyyy!" she cried out, her body leaning on to the tall and stoic blonde. She planted a lipstick kiss on his cheek, "so nick to see you. Nice. Who's this hunk, huhhh?" she asked, indiscreetly pointing to Jake.

"Roxy," Dirk mumbled, "this is Jake English."

She gasped instantly, her large eyes examining the figure. Jake was astonished; he had never expected Dirk, his best friend, to personally know someone such as this 'Roxy', but as he watched they were acting just as old friends. Who was this girl?

"Haii, Jerk. Jake, sorry," she peeled herself from Dirk's side and approached the Englishman, "I've heard looootss about you mister!"

Jake blinked at her, confused but nonetheless offered his hand. She moved in for a hug. He hesitated at first, but managed to return her embrace. Her aroma was of alcohol and perfume, but she was warm. Her lips found his ear and whispered a slur to him. "Treat Dirk right, okay? He's not as stoic as he seems," she warned. Jake's eyes went wide, but he coughed and swallowed down his confusion.

"Alright you true, go have fun! Two."

Their cheerful host was sucked in to the crowd, sipping her drink and swaying to the music.

"Who is - ?"

"Nobody. It's not important."

Jake could sniff the lie from a mile away. He had to know what this girl meant to him, if she meant anything to him at all. How did they know one another? Why had he not known of her at all?

English was unsure of what he had intended to do as he gripped the front of his companion's shirt and yanked him closer. He did know, however, that the pleasant aroma of cologne entranced him. Dirk looked shocked, scared. Jake was sure he had as well but he did not have time to check his reflection in those goofy glasses before he had done something unexpected.

He was mad, driven with an unfulfilled desire from awhile before. Unsure of why he had gotten the drive _now _of all times to pursue this nagging want, he had hesitated at first. It did not hinder him for long.

When their lips crashed, it made a spark. No, a _lot _of sparks.

Dirk nearly fainted.

"Alright, let's do this!" Jake exclaimed. His cheeks were still hot but by a glance he had learned that Dirk's were as well. Both of their heads were swimming.

In one word, it was magical.

/-/ I'm soooo sorry this took so long to post. I hope it doesn't happen again x_x \-\


	7. Chapter 5

/-/ Wow guys I'm so sorry.

Smut in this chapter. Also feels. Don't kill me. \-\

Chapter 5-

They returned to the apartment only a few hours later. Dirk had increasingly grown more and more lightheaded - partially from the fumes and also because his heart was pounding way too furiously and he could not get it to stop. Regardless they had a fantastic time. For the majority of the duration spent surrounded by drunken, exhausted, dancing people they had sat out, chit-chatting of typical things. Though it was a thing they could have done just about anywhere, it felt quite the more special with the pound of background music and the presence of the crowd. At one point Roxy had strolled over and stole Dirk for a dance. She exclaimed something to Jake as they were sucked on to the makeshift dance floor that sounded quite like, "Don't worry, I'll ring your bf back hun! Bring."

During the period of absence, Jake sat alone and waited as a symbolic wallflower. He had time to think this way; granted that he still had a lack of explanation for his own actions, he had still felt a bit less puzzled by the time Dirk had returned.

Dirk could not believe what had happened there. He still felt like he was floating. Electricity soared through his body. Sparks remained reflecting in his eyes, and the heat pumping through his veins had not deterred even with the pass of time. There was nothing, no happiness in this world like what had been delivered to him in that moment. Jake smelled fantastic and tasted even better. Dirk had been extra resistant to the offer of drinks just so he could remember the moment as clearly as when it had happened.

It was around 5:00 that they had finally escaped the stifling crowd and entered an area which was pleasantly familiar; the apartment kitchen of their own residence. Jake was rambling from the moment the door had closed about how enjoyable their time was, and how great it felt to bond with Dirk.

"Jake?" the blonde interrupted his friend mid-sentence, "can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything chum!"

"Uh-" he cleared his throat and swallowed, "So, why... well, what was that for?"

"Oh, uhm," Jake's cheeks burned, "I'm, well... I'm not really sure, to be honest. I just, uhhh... felt like I had to... Did you not like it?"

Dirk nearly burst in to a fit of uncontrollable laughter. There was no way that Jake could be serious.

"Really? Bro, you're crazy if you think I didn't enjoy every second of that. Dude it was great."

"Really, you think so? Wow, uhh..."

The pair had been blindly recruiting various snacks to satisfy their growling stomachs - it had been a wordless agreement between them, something they decided to do just by a glance. They had, until then, avoided the subject of the affectionate encounter. Maybe it had still been too fresh in their minds; maybe they were still reveling in its tenderness.

"Did you want to...again?"

"I-"

"It's fine if you don't, I was just wondering," Dirk explained, his freckles underlining with a soft pink.

"I don't mind," Jake admitted. He had found - now - that their relationship was a lot easier to accept. Though he still may have had some questions for the ominous blonde, he also had a sort of fire in his heart. A hopeful glimmer. It not only excited him, but terrified him as well. After all, if he allowed himself to love again, it might have been just as bad as the previous. He had to go home sometime.

Dirk swallowed down his fear and winced as it plummeted to the pit of his stomach. He had fond his wandering arms to be especially needy that day, since they had not even hesitated to snake their way around Jake's dipped waist. English had reached to remove those pointed shades, which slipped off with ease. For a moment or two they simply stared at each other. Citrus and verdant beams collided, creating an explosion of tolerance, understanding and most importantly the beginning of a remarkable amour.

Dirk could have stood there for an eternity, just as they were; foreheads against one another, smiles on their lips and an indescribable gleam in their eyes. Alas, he had a mission.

It has been said to the point where it has become a cliche that "the third time is the charm", and usually such a statement turns out to be quite the opposite. However, Dirk Strider and Jake English quickly discovered that at times, such a claim could be very, very true. Maybe it was the atmosphere, or the way their hearts pounded and fluttered in synchronization; maybe it was their yearning eyes, or the simple way that they smiled at each other. Or maybe, just maybe it was the pure magic of the moment which had made their kiss so explosive and passionate.

Jake's arms had instinctively looped around the base of his companion's neck. He had always seen kisses like that in movies anyways. A realization dawned upon him, however - if it was his place to do that, then it was also his place to...

"Wow, man," Dirk said after their mouths detached, "You're fantastic, you know? Like... if I was a dark tunnel, you would be that symbolic, like, angelic light or some shit you know? I know that's kind of sudden to say, but I mean come on; you're Jake English, agreeing to go out with me? I never thought I'd hear a Strider say it, and especially not myself, but...I really don't deserve you."

"Yes you do," Jake mumbled. At this point he had leaned his ear to Dirk's chest and just listened to his consistent heartbeat. He was flustered, surging with adrenaline, and it sounded entrancing.

"Whatever you say man."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The next two weeks were surprisingly uneventful. They would leave the apartment when they got itchy feet, or needed groceries. From the two of them, and Dirk's superior appetite, food ran out quickly. It amazed Jake that he could eat so much and yet always seemed to be growing thinner. Nevertheless, things around the apartment were relaxed. It was a comfortable environment; a place of serenity. Sometimes they would keep to themselves, other times they would be connected tightly at the hand or lips, barely watching a movie or sometimes even just sitting in silence. Jake had taken a fondness to watching Dirk as he worked on constructing his robot. They would speak here and there, Jake would ask a question or offer help, but for the most part they just enjoyed each others presence. The company of such a special person could do wonders for a person's sense of calm. It was fascinating, really. By then they were even comfortable enough to change in the same room - simultaneaously. Jake was still a bit shy on that subject, but it was a start.

It was no question that the two of them had grown closer in that time. They shared their thoughts and fears openly. Dirk almost never wore his glasses anymore, unless if something had been bothering him. The first few times Jake had asked what the matter had been, but sometimes Dirk was just not willing to share. What was beautiful is that they respected this as well. Privacy was important, and they allowed it in all senses.

Dirk looked paler. He ate more. It was odd to English, but he refused to question it. Maybe he was imagining things, or maybe it was just what was normal for the taller of the two.

Texas almost never got rain so bad as this. Each boom of thunder shook the apartment. Crashes of lightening lit the room with an electric blue beyond vibrancy and intimidation. The wind howled, screaming to an unforgiving force. Harsh drops of water furiously struck the window. Trees swayed and scratched along the brick walls outside; fearful shadows had been cast upon the walls. It was late. Dirk lay awake; breathing shallow, eyes open as he witnessed the nefarious weather. He could never sleep well on stormy nights - they allowed for far too much thought. The sun had either set, or had been swallowed by menacing clouds of grey and black shades long ago. He was unsure if it was night or the clock was confused too. The air was sticky, and suffocating. He breathed uneasily, letting his thoughts take him.

Jake had been tossing around in his sleep for at least a few minutes. Not only had the storm upset his tranquility, but he was experiencing a terrible nightmare. Water filled his lungs. He tried to gasp for air but he could not find it. His arms, flailing frantically for something to grab on to, were clawing for the surface. He was so close that he could taste it; his fingertips just made it out of that ominous water when something hit him. It felt like he had been kicked in the back of the head, and it was very likely that he had. As he had begn to black out and his oxygen ran out, vague silhouettes of drowning people surrounded him. He heard shouts - could detect a fire. Just as his eyelids fluttered closed, he shot upright on his air mattress. A loud crack of thunder deafened him for a moment or two. He could feel himself breathing heavily. His heart was pounding excessively.

"Yo, English," Dirk's calm voice startled Jake at first, "You alright?"

"I-" his throat felt like a desert. He swallowed down the sand and spoke once more, "I'm not sure. I had a dream that I'd drowned, I think."

"Hey, you'll be fine," the blonde assured as he flipped to his side, staring at the dark apparition a few feet away, "the rain isn't gonna get that bad."

"It was so vivid, I-"

"It was just a dream. You wanna come here and climb in with me? I've got enough room for two."

Jake had wordlessly agreed; his air mattress sighed as his weight left its surface vacant. He crawled in next to a warm and comfortable body heat, which enveloped him quickly and formed to his figure.

Dirk smiled as his bed dipped and another body entered. He had allowed his own physique to mold itself to his fr- his boyfriend. For good measure, he kissed the tip of Jake's ear and listened as he softly giggled.

It was oftentimes that they would share affectionate kisses, and this was no exception. It had been no time before Jake turned himself around, his lips seeking comforting pecks and flighty smiles.

Dirk's heart was buzzing happily with each kiss he received, as well as the ones he returned. After the first few wordless advances, things became more heated; or more specifically, made obvious the potential for heat. Their tongues began to dance in tune, lilting with an unheard melody. Terror for what may come was there, however had a paradoxical effect on the mood - it excited them further. Dirk slid his hand down a slender arm and laces fingers between his own. Jake squeezed that gentle hand amorously. He felt a weight, though it was light and delicate - much like a feather - shift atop him. In a battle for dominance, Dirk's experienced tongue prevailed. It memorized Jake's sweet spots, relishing in the sweet noises they brought forth.

Jake knew his friend as a cautious and gentle person. Even as his hands were pinned over his head, and a wet tongue dampened a streak on his neck, he was not worried. Not anymore. This person - this adoring man - would not hurt him; could not hurt him.

Dirk took a stance above the black haired adult which elaborated his intentions without words; a knee risen between two toned thighs, his hand politely requesting permission inside of Jake's sleep shirt. When no action was taken to deny the advance, Dirk slid his hand up until his fingertip brushed against a tender pink target. With a smirk and a bit of a nip to Jake's neck, he pinched the flesh. English moaned quietly, his face burning brightly in the dark. By a quick flash of electric azure, the Strider witnessed quite the satisfying facial expression overtaking a familiar visage - fluttering lashes, mouth gaping with noises of pleasure, a ravenous trail of saliva dripping down his chin and most of all was that vibrant crimson.

"Fuck, Jake," Dirk murmured, "You could literally not get any sexier."

"Stop overestimating me," the raven breathed, "I'm not that great."

"Said no one ever."

To enforce his words, Dirk raised his knee higher to brush against a swelling organ. Jake groaned aloud, tossing his head to the side. His fingers squeezed tighter around another nimble set. Dirk enjoyed the reaction so much that he repeated his influence once again, but with more passion and power.

"Jake, you don't mind if - ?"

The Englishman shook his head, "no. I can handle it. It's just another adventure, right?"

"That's the spirit," the blonde chuckled. He could hardly keep his heart in the same place; it was pounding eratically and filling his ears with noise. Desire drove him to pull down Jake's boxers over his twitching bulge; instinct drove him to tease. He lowered himself until he was eye to eye with a shimmering silver bar. It glinted in the darkness, coaxing his tongue forward. He swirled the muscle around the piercing, smirking as he felt a body writhe underneath him. The circular stopper began to loosen as his actions continued, until finally it popped off. Dirk pulled the piercing out with his teeth and spat it aside. Jake groaned loudly. From there the Strider faced a growing erection with veins pulsing before his eyes. In itself it had been begging for attention. He kissed the tip gingerly and wrapped his hands around each one of Jake's thighs. Casually spreading those legs apart, he began his work.

Jake nearly screamed, or yelped, or did whatever it was his vocal chords were begging to do. Fortunately he caught himself with the back of his hand and bit in to it until the urge was gone. Dirk had begun to run his tongue along the underside of the throbbing protrusion. In his blissful sense of reality Jake felt that muscle dig in to his vein. Out of animalistic instinct, his fingers raked through a blonde collection of hair and gripped the tufts tightly.

"Mn..." he hummed.

Dirk, always a man who thought ahead, found himself soon enough reaching under his mattress, his hand searching for something in particular that he had hidden just for the occassion. As a master of multi-tasking, he was still able to pleasure his partner even as he sought out a different goal. After a short while his hand finally came in contact with what he had been looking for.

Jake's green eyes widened as he saw, vaguely, the glint of a colored tube. His erection was swallowed whole a moment later. He threw his head back, moaning loudly in pure serenity.

"O-oh god, D-dirk," his airy voice moaned.

The Strider hummed on to the pulsing obstruction in his mouth, which caused a satisfying vibration to ripple through English's body. He cried out, the digits on his hand entwining tighter through layered blonde tresses.

The trickle of lubrication was cooling to Dirk's fingers. His index and middle found a taut entrance and circled the perimeter. A tense body underneath himself shuddered. He twisted his tongue around the underside of a twitching organ and smirked as he heard a breathy moan.

All Jake could see was a powerful white light. There was a pain in his backside like no other pain he had experienced before in his life; it was unique because although it felt odd and off-putting he also realized that it was pleasureful and erotic. His penis twitched and Dirk humored the movement by driving the tip of his tongue in to the vein. His index finger thrashed, stretched and dug as deep as it could. Jake's thighs began to tremble as he felt yet another digit infiltrate his entrance. He could feel himself inching closer to his end, and that scared him. He wanted this alien feeling to last, but as those slender fingers began to mimic the open and close of scissors he knew he would not last much longer.

Dirk nearly choked as a set of hips rolled in to him. By the sound of Jake's lascivious yelp, the young Strider figured he had located his objective. He drove each finger in to that desiring sweet spot and lapped the pre-cum off of the protrusion in front of him.

"Dirk, I-"

He knew and so he wrapped his lips firmly around the head and began pumping the rest with his free hand.

Spots of white forced English's vision to become bleary. He could hardly feel a thing except his partner swallowing down his entire orgasm. As his sense returned he realized that a figure was climbing on top of him once again. They were not finished yet.

"Yo Jake."

"Hnn?" muttered the raven in post-release bliss.

"This is gonna hurt. You sure you're up for it?"

"I'm as ready as ever, Mr. Strider."

"Hell yea, that's what I like to hear."

Dirk was right, it did hurt. Jake could feel the tears trickling down the sides of his faces, though they were involuntary. He felt a gentle pair of lips kiss away those salty droplets. His back was arched toward the ceiling as his body tried to reject the intrusion.

"Babe," Dirk's soothing voice leaked in to Jake's ears as gingerly as the overtaking of water, "You need to relax. You're gonna hurt yourself."

His fingernails, which were raking lines in to Dirk's back, lost their build-up of tension. His legs which were tangled around an angled waist seemed to ease. He was panting heavily, yes, but now he could feel the satisfaction regarding the person inside of him.

Dirk waited a moment as his beloved partner relaxed although his own erection was yearning for pleasure so desperately. When the tight muscles around the half of his organ loosened he took it as permission to push himself the rest of the way in.

"Mnnh..." he moaned whilst leaning his head on to Jake's shoulder, who panted heavily in his ear, "Jake..."

"Dirk...mnh..."

"Fuck, you're tight."

"Hah... what do you expect?" English breathed quietly, "It's my first time, not like my body is gonna be used to it."

For a moment they just relaxed, trying to get their breathing in check. After the overwhelming sound of his own heartbeat subsided, Dirk began to thrust in. His deliberate actions were slow at first, but as his boyfriend's entrance stretched around him his pace quickened. Each one of them moaned continuously and sang out noises of pleasure. Jake stayed entirely still and allowed his body to be pounded in to. The only aspects that differed him from something lifeless was his quickened breathing and the occasion where he would throw his head back in to the pillow and cry out Dirk's name or an intense moan. This would only last for so long, however. Dirk, in his amorous thrusts, struck Jake's prostate once again. This alone had nearly sent Jake over the edge; he swore his heart stopped as he yelped aloud. From that moment he ground his body against that throbbing tip, enjoying that sensation over and over again.

"Hnn...Dirk...hah..."

Dirk clamped his teeth on to the crook of the other's neck and ran his tongue over the tender skin which bruised under his influence and created a mark.

"Jake...mnh..."

Dirk took a moment to just look at his partner. Jake's eyes were glistening, his cheeks wet and red, his mouth wide as he struggled for air. Dirk leaned down and kissed him openly, relishing in the pleasant taste of his mouth. He wished so desperately to tell him that he loved him but every time he tried his lungs would constrict and he could not breathe. Even the attempt of murmuring sweet nothings proved futile.

Jake could,though his vision was impared by darkness and unclear eyes, see the amour in his lover's eyes. The passion was practically tangible - he hoped silently that the shimmer in his own irises returned the wordless confession, because his body was definitely experiencing the blissful love.

Dirk could feel his tongue tremble as Jake mewled in to his mouth. He moaned back, as he could feel the tightening in his stomach growing all the more pressured. It would only be minutes, maybe less before he finished.

"Jake," he grunted with a thrust, "Are you-?"

English nodded vigorously. He knew exactly what the blonde was asking before he had even got a word out. Jake's abdomen felt tense once more, and he knew what was coming. As his body met each and every rock of Dirk's hips, he could feel his heart rate increasing.

Dirk, desiring to finish after or with his boyfriend, decided to "assist" him in his growing problem. As he pounded in to Jake's prostate, Dirk wrapped his hand around that pulsing protrusion and began to gingerly massage it.

"Sh-shit," Jake grumbled. His rolled back and he whimpered openly. As the minutes carried on his legs tightened around his lover's waist.

"If you have to...mnh...just do it," Dirk encouraged. He had tried not to sound pleading but by then he was begging to get things over with. It was not so much that he did not enjoy their passionate moment, but instead he had felt himself growing weaker with each second. His body, emaciated and strained, could not handle the stress much longer.

Jake took the blonde's comment as permission to let himself go. He stopped trying to hold himself back and instead allowed his body to relax. The pressure left him as his own chest and Dirk's fingers were peppered with white. His powdered and dreamy vision subsided, and he felt the alien sensation of being filled with hot and sticky seed. They both rode out their orgasms in unison, moaning one another's names until their lips could not take it anymore and they wetly kissed.

Even as he pulled out Dirk could feel himself blacking out; his body had betrayed him. The last thing he felt before the violent shaking was furiousness at himself and a loving pair of lips press to his neck.

Jake had no idea what was happening or why. One moment him and the most loving and caring man he had met were sharing post-intercourse kisses and the necct he was witnessing that same person twitch and convulse next to him. Panic arose in his body. What was happening? Why did his eyes look like that?

"Dirk?" he asked, unsure if this was some wicked joke in the name of irony or not, "okay Strider. You got me! Very funny! Haha! Alright, you can stop now! D-...Dirk? Dirk, hey!" all he could sense was his hand adherently trying to smack a twitching silhouette in to reality as well a hot, sorrowful tears stream down his cheeks. The world was dark and menacing as he frantically pursued his cellphone for help. A streak of lightening erupted the room in nefarious blue, emphasizing the consistant thrashes of the one suffering on the bed.

"H-hello?" English shouted in to the mobile, "He's - oh jesus devilfucking christ! He's having a stroke or something. Goddammit, why is th - calm? How do you - F-fine. Skaia Apartments, room 413. Please come quickly!"

Jake could feel his arms and legs shaking violently. He tried to get himself dressed but he still looked to be a frantic mess. At times his sobs would not allow him to breathe and his lungs would burn, screaming for remedy. Dirk had ceased his spasms minutes before, but his body was lifeless except for shallow breathing.

"Dirk, come on," Jake whispered. He attempted to tap the other awake but it proved to be useless. "You'll be fine. Just say something. You stubborn... just... say something dammit!"

Sirens flooded the sound barrier and deafened the panicking raven. He was on his knees now next to the bed. His lips were chanting continuously, "I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry-"

"Hello? Where is he?" a voice called out. It was foreign - not the voice that Jake wished to hear. It was wrong. Where was the stoic calmness? The soothing drawl? He hated this new voice. Loathed it.

"Here," he choked out. His voice was strained from sobbing and cracked as he called out, but they heard him. Footsteps resonded while a collection of people approached the bedroom.

"Help him," he begged, "Please. I can't lose him..."

"Everything'll be alright," they assured him. He did not, could not believe them. It would hurt him too much if they were lying.

The paramedics brought in a stretcher and lowered Dirk on to it. Jake would not let go of Dirk's hand - refused to, in fact. The digits were limp and umoving. English squeezed them repeatedly hoping to feel some sort of response. Thankfully they had covered the blonde with a sheet so the rain would not freeze his bare skin. They made no move to shoo Jake away, something he was infinately grateful for.

All that he could remember form then was being rushed in to the ambulance. The howl of sirens sent him in to a lulling trance. He had no tears left to spare but continued to choke and shudder. Responding to the questions he was asked repeatedly was futile since the only noise he could produce was a pitiful whine. Words like "mild" and "probably won't do any permanent damage" were thrown left and right, but they did nothing to comfort. He wanted to know what happened. Why was his strength laying there so lifeless? Why this, and why now? They attempted to explain things to him but he could not fathom their words. His misty eyes felt tired and he wished to wake up from this nightmare and feel those arms around him again; to feel those lips against his own. Why was that gentle hand not returning his hold? This could not be the Dirk he knew and loved - that Dirk had a killer smile, understanding eyes, comforting words and a royal heart. This imposter was shameful. They did not speak, nor smile or hold him like he wanted so desperately.

They were taking him away from Jake. He beckoned to the unconscious being but there was no response. He tried to follow but was halted. Someone whose face he could not distinguish led him somewhere else. He stared longingly at the ambulance because at least there they could be together. He was asked a few simple questions but his body felt too empty for him to respond. The lobby smelled awful, like sorrow and sterile floors. He missed the smell of cologne and shampoo. The mystery person told him to wait - he would be able to see Dirk in the morning. He shivered at the sound of thunder and pretended those arms were comforting him once again.

Soon enough he was alone.

So alone.


	8. Chapter 6

/-/ Wow guys, I'm so sorry. I was typing this all up and then I managed to lose it all x_x But yea. Dave was fun :3 I wish he had a bigger part but oh well. \-\

Chapter 6 -

Jake was surprised that the sun rose. In fact he was appalled that there was a sun at all. Why should everyone have a healthy and vibrant sun when his was so...weak. So lifeless.

He did not sleep; could not sleep. There was no way that he would miss his chance for information, or even perhaps a visit.

His head had been down and his chin was to his chest when a pair of feet approached his location.

"Mr. English?" a young woman's voice started. She sounded different from others, maybe even more sophisticated. Her lilting tone was comforting, though he supposed all doctors with bad news came off that way, "Well, he did address you as Jake. Would you prefer if-"

He interrupted her carefully enunciated speech by suddenly standing. His groggy and tired hands clumsily found her shoulders, and he stared in to jade green eyes. A name tag on her white coat read "Dr. Maryam".

"He's awake?"

"Well, yes but-"

"I want to see him."

"Okay, I understand that, howe-"

"Can I see him? What's wrong with him? Is he all right?"

"Mr. English, would you be opposed to listening to me for a moment?"

"Oh, uhm...no..." he hands dropped and wrung themselves together nervously, "sorry."

"That is okay," she smiled gently. Her wispy black hair and olive complexion was charming, but his eyes were blind to her charisma. "Mr. Strider has been diagnosed with diabetes. He experienced an ischemic stroke, or rather a diabetic stroke. We have not found any neurological damage as of yet, but we will continue to run tests. He is very tired. May I ask what he had done to exert his energy on such an extreme level? He also seems very emaciated, so I was wondering if perhaps he had worked out regularly and maybe went over the top? It is quite hard for those with his condition to build muscle, and - oh, are you all right?"

Jake's cheeks lit up with an amorous flame. She seemed to get the message and nodded her head with a bit of a smirk.

"I had no idea... I should have said something about the weight he was losing...I feel so..."

"It is not your fault. If you would wish to see him, he has asked for you. I am sure he would be delighted to see a familiar face."

"Yes, if you would take me," he nodded. They began their journey to the room and continued in silence from there. The halls were quiet and vacant. Haunting, almost, as if emphasizing an ominous and perilous end.

"Here we are," she said calmly while approaching a shut door. With a simple hand movement she had gestured that Jake could enter alone, and stepped off for him to do so.

Jake's heart throbbed and pounded against his ribs. He gripped the handle with shaking fingers and twisted it agonizingly slowly. From inside he could hear the beeping of machines, and that antagonized him. He hated this situation.

"Get in here English," a weak but familiar voice called, "I've been waiting for that choice ass of yours. C'mere."

"Dirk?" Jake could hardly believe it. Something deep inside of him had tried to hold the truth from him - that Dirk was okay. Perhaps it was to protect his sanity, but now he was feeling the consequences. The consequences being an obscene amount of excitement. He thought his heart would burst. With no reason to hesitate any longer, he threw the door open and strolled inside, "Dirk, I'm s-"

"Woah, shit man. You look like a train wreck. What the fuck happened to you?"

There was no containing Jake's grin. His overbite was put on full display as his lips touched his ears, "Still as much of a jerk as ever I see! There's no end to this, is there? You don't look so great yourself you know!" That was a lie. Even though he looked paler than usual and his cheeks were sunken in, Dirk was as radiant as usual. His enigmatic smirk was the biggest relief.

"Yea, you got me there. Come on, I haven't seen you in way too long. Give me a kiss babe," he raised his arm which was not connected to an IV and coaxed English over.

"Oh please, it's only been a few hours."

"See what I mean? Way too long."

Jake could not help the mist in his eyes. They were tears of sorrow on the same level as they were tears of joy - the most fantastic person in his life was lying there suffering, but he was alive. Jake practically floated to the bedside. His body was tired and he wished nothing more but to crawl in next to the blonde and get some rest, however he was not sure the doctors would be fond of that idea.

Dirk felt pitiful; every part of him was weak. It was shameful and diminished his pride completely, but he felt a world more at ease with Jake there. As that fantastic figure leaned down, his heart fluttered. Their lips connected passionately, and although there was so many things wrong with the world, those troubles seemed to melt away for a moment or two.

"I wanna go home," he muttered. Jake leaned his head on to Dirk's shoulder and listened to him breathe. "This place gives me the creeps."

"There is no way you didn't know something was wrong. I..."

"...I know. I _knew. _I researched it. It was weird to me, that I was losing weight so fast. I thought that I could keep it under control if I watched my sugar intake, but..."

"You should have said something. You scared me half to death! What if it was worse? What if-"

"Stop with that 'what if'. I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"Dirk, I...I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I was afraid..."

"Jake, I've always loved you. I always _will _love you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

"I'm so glad I agreed to go out with you. I wish I had sooner."

"Thanks man. You flatter me too much."

For a minute or two they remained silent. Simply listening to the other breathe was quite good enough, even if the incongruous repetition of the machines beeps was disquieting, they managed to ignore it.

Dirk was the first to break the silence.

"They said I'll probably be here for a week, Jake. That means-"

"I'll be gone by then..."

He wordlessly nodded. The threat of tears bit at his eyelids, but he forced them down. He wanted his glasses; that place made him uncomfortable. The bed was too firm, and he did not exactly like the idea of being in a gown - especially not with any boxers on.

"Hey, we'll be fine bro. Don't waste your tears on me."

"But..."

"How's about I visit you? I'll show up like, the day after I get out, like some sort of serendipitous blessing. What do you say?"

"O-Okay," Jake sniffled, "sounds good."

"That's my adventure boy," Dirk smiled and planted a kiss on the raven's cheek, who smiled in return.

"You probably want to rest, don't you?" Jake mumbled, "I can go."

"Nah man, I'm fine. I want you to stay here," Dirk argued. Jake did not seem to oppose the idea, and pulled up a chair next to the hospital to sit in. For a minute or two they remained there in blissful and complete silence just as they would beforehand, except something did not set right. Even as their fingers intertwined there was a lingering and suffocating despair floating around their heads. It would clog their throats and noses and choke them until they begged for mercy in the most pitiful way, and yet nothing happened. They did not move, nor did they wipe away their grieving half-smiles. If one were to peek in on them they would assume everything to be usual and normal. Lovers sharing an intimate moment of being reunited, stars in their eyes and amour in their expressions.

"You look tired," said Dirk.

"I didn't sleep. I-"

Jake paused. Dirk had begun to shift over to one designated side of the bed. He patted the space next to him and Jake blinked at the gesture.

"Are you sure they'll want me in there?"

"No. But who cares? You're tired, get in here."

He could not argue with that, and so it was soon enough that he had found himself curled in a stiff hospital bed with too-thin sheets and a flat pillow next to the one person that made such a thing worth it.

"Bloody hell this thing is uncomfortable."

"Not anymore it isn't," countered the blonde, who had wrapped his boyfriend in a gentle embrace using his good arm and planted a soft kiss on the top of his head.

Jake had only been asleep for a few minutes and his body had already felt so much more rested. Not completely, but he was getting there. Dirk lay soundlessly awake, his eyes shut to the blinding whiteness of the room and his eyelids reflecting yellow. He could feel a heat next to him which was calmly sleeping. He loved and knew that heat; it was a gentle and burning warmth, a tender and smoldering comfort. He wanted to kiss that unmoving heat over and over - he never seemed to get enough of that - but he had been afraid of waking it.

Dirk was intimidated by his thoughts. They would torture him from time to time, and he tended to avoid confronting them, but now his thoughts were all he had to communicate with. He nearly considered the idea of sleeping as well, but he simply could not risk losing a single moment being aware of Jake. The desire for something to occupy his time was growing with each minute, and he was becoming restless.

Jake did not dream, or if he had it was of total blackness. He was thankful for this subconsciously since it had brought him to a place of serenity. His senses had faded entirely and all he had of the other was a memory. In all aspects - mind, body and emotion - he had been exhausted. Exhaustion, he realized, always carries with it the best of sleeps. It was unclear to him how he had even gone that long without shutting his eyes for more than a blink when even that had scared him.

It was nearly half a day before Jake had awoken once more. Dirk did not mind, and in fact he had fallen asleep a few times himself; they were short-lived periods, but they had helped him stay alert when he was awake. He was unsure of what had woken the snoozing raven next to him, but he was grateful nonetheless.

The first thing that Jake had felt was a pair of arms around him. It was familiar but that had not shrouded his gratitude for the warm embrace at all. The second thing he felt was a tender kiss on his eyelid. Evidently Dirk had taken off Jake's glasses while he had been asleep. The light outside of the window was dimming and the air seemed chilly. Jake shuddered. Dirk held him tighter.

"Morning sleepyhead," a blanket of a voice mumbled.

"Golly, that sure was a long nap wasn't it?"

"You're telling me."

"Sorry about that. I guess I was a lot more tired than I thought," Jake said with a yawn.

"It's no problem bro," replied Dirk, who smiled faintly as Jake nuzzled in to his neck. It was late, and visiting hours would be over soon; the young blonde was loathing Jake's departure already, but he knew he would return in the morning.

There was an overhead crackling noise, and the pair of them quieted down to listen to the unidentified voice announce whatever it was they had to say.

"Visiting hours will be ending in just a few minutes, any remaining visitors please prepare to vacate the premises."

The two of them shared longing glances and defiant pouts. Jake began to reluctantly slip out of bed, staying cautious to avoid the protective plastic bars on the side. Dirk had settled back in to the center of the bed, though he wished he had his warmth back. He felt so cold under those too-thin sheets by himself. A pale, famished hand reached out and grabbed a tanner one. Their fingers laced between one another and Jake received a loving squeeze.

"Babe."

"I know. I love you too," he mumbled solemnly.

Dirk watched grievously as Jake walked away. Their hands lingered together before finally falling apart; Dirk knew in that moment - though it pained him greatly to realize - that Jake blamed himself for Dirk's misfortunes. He wished to call out to that person who was so special to him and beg, _plead _that he would not put the fault in himself.

His mouth was full of dirt, and no matter how hard he tried to call out and bring that special person back, he would just continue to walk away.

Loneliness could be so cold.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It had been a few days at least, and Jake was visiting every day. Some days he would bring objects of luxury; Dirk's laptop, or a book for him to read when Jake had to leave. Sometimes it was as simple as an Orange Crush - which he would have to drink in secret - but it was always appreciated. Jake did not do much besides spend time at the hospital. When he took a taxi back to the apartment, or if he walked even if Dirk insisted he should not and that the streets were dangerous to walk alone, he would keep his eyes peeled for interesting things to talk about the next day. At night he would settle down on the love seat with a movie, using one of Dirk's shirts for warmth and comfort. After a while they would stop smelling like him and start smelling like Jake, and he would have to exchange it for another. Dirk had no knowledge of these events, and Jake intended for it to remain that way.

Dirk had gained a significant amount of his energy back overtime. Jake would watch with pride as he would get up on his own and direct his wobbly legs to wherever he had to be. He almost hoped that things would return to how they were before he had to return home, but that misleading blonde was a lot weaker than he allowed himself to show.

Currently they had been sitting upright on the bed, casually conversing - it was all they really had to do, but they did not mind - when Dirk's phone began to go off. A familiar voice to himself beckoned coolly, "Yo. It's your bro. Get your lazy ass up and answer the phone you little shit." Dirk snatched up the mobile and hastily pressed talk.

"Dave?" he sounded exasperated; that was not the kind of tone you took with Dave Strider. He swallowed and cleared his throat, "Hey bro. What's up?"

"Oi, did you just run a fuckin' marathon? Calm your tits, I'm human too."

Dirk chuckled; he was relieved to say the least. This was the first time in ages that he had heard from his infamous brother.

"Anyways, it's pretty unironic of you to be in the hospital you know. The fuck's up with that? You goin' soft on me?"

"Dave, I-"

"Don't sweat it bro. I'm just checking to see if you're all right. I've been busy, so I couldn't call earlier."

Always busy.

"Yea, that's fine."

"You're not lonely over there are you? 'Cause that would be pathetic. I'd have to come and beat some sense in to you, I don't care if you're bedridden."

"Uh, no," Dirk peeked over at Jake, who was staring curiously as his boyfriend conversed. The Strider adjusted his triangular shades, which Jake was kind enough to bring for him, and smiled as he said, "I've got Jake here with me, so I haven't had time to be lonely."

"What did you hospitalize him too? Damn, you'd better get your shit together man, you're fuckin' up."

"No, you prick. He's visiting."

"What do you take me for, some kind of idiot? I know he's visiting."

Dirk groaned.

"Woah. I've been told my voice is pretty sexy, but that's incest man."

"I love you too, _David." _

"No need to bring out the full names here, just get the stick out of your ass and take a joke."

"I could say the same for you."

Jake looked at Dirk's hand, which was twitching with adrenaline. He laced his fingers through shaking ones and smiled when he felt a gentle squeeze. Dirk had fallen silent, but Jake could hear a voice over the phone that sounded a lot like a certain blonde but with a lot less of an accent.

"Alright," Dirk finally mumbled. The ecstatic ring to his tone was gone, "I understand. Just don't take so long this time. Yea. Bye," he said, and lowered the phone a moment later.

"Hey, don't look like that ol' chap! Be chipper," Jake insisted. he hated that frown he was seeing; it was so ostentatious, so uncanny. He wanted that beaming smile back.

Dirk's hand clutched his cell so tightly he was sure it would break. That was the first time he had heard his brother's voice in months - he had not seen him in longer. He had been thankful, yes, but he was also greedy. Why could they not be like other families? Why did they have to be so distant? So what if Dave was a big shot movie producer, he was also Dirk's brother. _His _brother. He wanted his brother back.

Those disquieting thoughts were soon interrupted by a pale pair of lips on his own. A smile was irresistible, and so he grinned and pressed back.

At least he had Jake.


	9. Chapter 7

/-/ Sorry for the delay guys! I had a convention this past weekend, so with preparation on just being entirely exhausted I had no time to type everything up. One more chapter after this one! D: Trigger Warning: Intense feelings \-\

Chapter 7-

Today was the day. Jake had sorrow in his eyes as he packed up his duffle. His heart felt emptier than ever. A blackness, nefarious and unforgiving, strangled him without doing a single thing at all; he was being choked by his own grief. The taxi was probably outside - he was not prepared to face it. A bad feeling in the pit of his stomach had settled uncomfortably. Dirk had been so silent the night before, he could barely even look at Jake. That worried him. Everything worried him. He snuck a peek outside the window; it was time to leave.

His bag had felt heavier than it had a month ago. Maybe it was that he had stopped caring if his clothes were folded or not, or perhaps it was that he was being dragged down by his ankles toward something evil. The apartment was dim. Everything was dim. He did not sleep. He stomach growled. He almost did not want to visit Dirk again before he left. He needed to visit Dirk again before he left.

It was breezy outside. Jake wished to return indoors. The sky was an ominous grey. The taxi driver asked him where to. He did not hear. They asked again. He mumbled, "Derse Hospital". The name tasted unpleasant on his tongue. Why did they get to keep his sunshine from him? Why did he have to suffer? The journey was shorter than he remembered. He told the taxi to wait. They listened. He knew the steps - he could walk it with his eyes closed. Dirk was waiting for him and he looked tired he always looked tired.

"Don't cry." Was Jake crying? He could not tell - he felt so numb and he looked so tired why could Jake not do anything for him?

Dirk got up. _No don't get up you're tired you'll stay here then you won't get to see me sit back down._

They kissed. Jake could not enjoy it. His heart cramped.

"It's only a couple of days," Dirk explained, "I'll be there before you know it. Besides, don't you miss that awesome grandma of yours?"

Grandma. She needed Jake. Even a month on her own was pushing it. He smiled an empty smile and kept his eyes on the floor.

"Alright, you'd better get going. Don't want to keep your ride waiting."

Jake embraced Dirk tighter than he ever had before. So tight he thought his arms would fall clean off. Dirk grinned and returned the action. It was his turn to mediate; his turn to comfort.

"I love you, okay? Don't you ever forget that. You'll be fine."

And Jake would not. He would not ever.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't help you," a ghost of a voice mumbled, "I'm so sorry things have been miserable."

"It's not your fault."

Jake turned and left. He did not say goodbye; could not say goodbye. It would kill him to say goodbye.

The breeze had tuned to a wind. It whipped Jake's black hair in to an unkempt mess. More of an unkempt mess. His taxi was in the same place. It had begun to rain - the droplets were nostalgic. They hid the moisture accumulating on his cheeks.

The airport was a nefarious apparition waiting to ensnare him in vines of godforsaken darkness. It was cold in the building. He trekked through the security process like a zombie. Some overhead voice warned of turbulence.

Jake was seated next to a stranger. They seemed cheerful, a quality he would normally appreciate. At this time he had no eye for charisma or pleasantness.

His ears popped as they took flight. Having the window seat disinterested him; the skies were too black and the increasing rain too heavy for him to enjoy the view. He closed the blind on it and shut his eyes. It was surprising to him how easily he had fallen asleep. A darkness, much like the world outside, had taken him over. He was at peace but paradoxically his mind had been restless. Now he had time to reflect; the guilt of the first kiss followed by the satisfaction of the next and so on. The long nights spent relishing in the company of a close friend. The passion of a stormy night. The terror of misfortune. While he looked back it was almost as if his life was being played back to him by film; he was his own audience. Though he had a love for movies, this particular one had rubbed him the wrong way. His eyebrows laced as he concentrated on dissolving those images; they would not go away. They refused to depart. He tried to open his eyes, but as if to haunt him they remained closed. Where was he? Why had the air felt so tense? A voice beckoned to him, crying out, "Wake up! Sir, wake up!"

"-eavy turbulence. Please access your air supplies. Life boats will be available. Please do not panic."

The world was shaking. Regardless of warning, passengers were panicking left and right. Women were crying and their husbands made futile attempts to comfort them. A baby was crying loudly, their mother louder. People had begun to attach peculiar looking bags to their faces. His ears were popping again. They had begun to bleed. Crimson trickled over his lips as well, making it hard for him to breathe from his nose. Everything and everyone was leaning unintentionally toward the front of the plane. A hand tapped his shoulder - the stranger was telling him to retrieve his own air supply. He frantically tried to, but no matter how hard he worked or how maliciously he pounded on the button with his fist it would not fall. By a quick scan he realized others had the same problem.

He was scared. He was shaking. He was terrified. He was full of remorse.

He should have said goodbye.

The crash was a lot more graceful than he had expected. Maybe death had always been graceful. As metal twisted and saltwater flooded the air and fires ignited and roared and ate up victims and turned the world red or was that blood fir and blood made the world red.

Jake saw an opening. As salt and water choked him with blackness he struggled to release his seatbelt. It gave way quick enough and he swam toward the exit. Others crowded around it. Morphed screams became all he heard. He was becoming lightheaded. There was no air left in his lungs. His legs and arms were growing weak. Finally the ability to escape the death trap around him was granted. He pushed for the surface which was littered with treading and panicked people. He could almost taste air again. It was so close - _HE _was so close.

And then something hit him. The blackness which was already swallowing his vision increased. He could not see at all anymore.

He thought that maybe he had dreamed this before but he was too scared to remember. He could feel the water take him, drag him by the ankles toward something evil. He stopped trying.

_What a pathetic, un-heroic death English._

__He felt sorry for his grandmother, who would be alone now. He felt sorry for his ex - his friend - who would probably cry. He felt sorry most of all for Dirk, who had no idea what was happening, who loved him for who he was and completely.

The last of his senses faded as he remembered that he had not said he loved Dirk as well, for the last time.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Today was the day. Dirk had excitement in his eyes as he packed up his duffle. He felt energized - he had put on a healthy amount of weight since he had been in the hospital and in return his muscles had a desire to move. Though he was still groggy, he was more ready than ever to take the long trip ahead of him. Though it felt fantastic to be back home again, he knew it would feel even better to be in the presence of his boyfriend. Jake had left the apartment tidy and erased all traces of him every being there.

Dirk was going to kiss him the moment they reunited, and he could not care less who saw.

The sun seemed brighter than ever, the air pleasant and warm. Though he had called for a taxi so that his car was not left at the airport, he almost had an urge to walk. He probably would have if he had the time.

The skies were blue, the clouds were fluffy and white. He hoped that maybe the person he was thinking of had been experiencing an equally beautiful day. Even the taxi ride was bearable, which was a serendipitous change to his last one. On the inside of the airport, lacking crowds of people mumbled nervously about this or that. He had no interest to learn of their fears, and instead cruised through security and all lost in his own thoughts. He was seated next to a stranger. They politely smiled at him, and he nodded coolly in return.

The flight was a lot longer than he expected it to be. He had never been overseas before of course, so he was not sure what to expect either. Halfway through, or perhaps a little earlier, he had fallen asleep. It was surprising since he had gotten so much rest during his stay at the hospital, but he did not mind - at least it passed the time. When he awoke once more they were finally arriving, and the slow peaceful descent to earth had begun popping at his ears. As he looked out the window, buildings were coming in to view. Treetops rustled in the wind. They had a long way to go, but they were past the blanket of clouds which hid the scenery.

The airport there was much different. Just the layout had been unusual in contrast to that he had adapted to. Thankfully he experienced no trouble in retrieving his bags at all. He and Jake had discussed that Dirk would arrive to his house via taxi since Jake lacked a license. The roads, cars and everything else about how things functioned in this foreign country had been new to him. More people rode bikes or walked, hence why Jake had not possessed a vehicle. Dirk assumed that what he was feeling had been no different to how Jake felt as well when he arrived in Texas. The driver asked for an address in a thick accent and Dirk handed them a slip of paper scrawled with the location. They nodded at him with a smile and continued on.

"So, you hail from the states eh?" they would ask.

"Yea. Texas," Dirk replied. His eyes were glued to the mild scenery outside the window. It was like he was watching a movie - everything seemed so realistic and yet he felt as though it were not tangible.

"What brings a chap like you to the UK? Just jolly merriment or are you on a mission?"

"I'm visiting a fr-" he swallowed, "a friend of mine."

"Ohohoh~" they laughed heartily, "Sounds like more than a friend to me."

"Yea, he's my boyfriend."

"My my, how exciting. Well, here we are. It's this one," the driver pointed to a humble looking home which was taller than it was wide, the lawn bordered by a white picket fence. A girl was standing outside, a suitcase in hand and dressed head to toe in black save her red oval-shaped glasses. Dirk recognized her instantly, but her ensemble was peculiar definitely. He paid the driver with some bills that Jake had lent to him and retrieved his luggage from the trunk.

"Dirk?" a pleasant and sweet tone called. It had been lined with sorrow. Her eyes were misted, giving a dreamy look to bright blue eyes.

"Yo Jane," Dirk approached her, bag slung over his shoulder and a puzzled look on his face.

"Why are you here?"

"To visit Jake. I could ask the same for you. What's up with your clothes? I never saw you as much of a goth."

"..." Jane began to weep, her sniffles resounding loudly and sadly. Dirk's shaded eyes widened. What happened? She was not one to cry, really. She may have been a bit of a under-confident girl but she was strong nonetheless. "I can't believe you haven't heard..."

Now Dirk was worried. Why had she acted like this when he mentioned Jake? Had something happened to him?

"Jane, what's going on?" Dirk asked, his hand tenderly on her shoulder.

She visibly swallowed, unable to meet shrouded eyes. Her heart beat furiously against her chest. She shuddered a sob and her ghostly voice whispered, "His plane crashed. I'm so sorry... He's gone, Dirk."

_What. What what what NO. This has to be a joke it was a joke he's inside waiting for you go see him you have to see him you have to kiss him like you wanted to like you said go do it he wants you to he's waiting. _

__Striders never cried. At least that was what Dave had explained to Dirk as a kid. Even though their parents were gone, and they had to live on their own, they did not ever cry. They had each other's backs. They became close that way - a brotherly bond like none other. But now Dirk was defying what he had been taught. Cloudiness blinded him. Warmth poured down his cheeks. It felt wrong. All his sorrow, all his misfortunes came out at once. Why him? What did he ever do? How come he never got to smile?

Inside was a woman. Her hair was long and had once been a radiant black much like her grandson;s, but now it had faded similarly to her skin. She was wrinkled, but her green eyes were vibrant and lively. They were also sad and grieving. She was dressed similarly to Jane, clad in a depressive color that resembled nothing but death. He did not have to ask; he knew by the look on her face.

"I wish he hadn't either," her accented tongue mumbled. He had to blearily read her lips; deafness to reality overtook him. All his ears detected was ringing and the voice of what once was. "The memorial service is tomorrow. You can stay here if you wish."

"No," Dirk murmured. His voice was barely coherent - the wind had been knocked out of him. He scanned the area and regretted it instantly; there were photos hung along the walls pf a toothy grin and emerald eyes. He nearly shouted in agony from the stab through his heart. "I can't...I'll get...a hotel..."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Dirk hated being there. Whilst people shed tears and idle chit chat, he lingered in the back. There were no remains for obvious reasons, but htere was a gravestone nonetheless. Guilt was eating at his brain. All he could hear was ringing. Incessant ringing.

_Where's the sun where did it go he took it with him the sun is gone he's gone where'd he go. _

__Hours passed and he had not moved. His fingers were numb as he gripped a bouquet - one that he swore looked like a bouquet he had been in possession of before, but he had tried not to remember. He could not remember.

He was the only one left. Jane had tried to speak to him, but the effort was futile. She left him with a squeeze to the shoulder, and then he was alone.

He had not even read the inscription on the gravestone yet.

The grass beneath his feet shifted as he began to walk. There were other flowers on the site, but his had been the largest and most decadent collection. He placed it in front of the stone and knelt there.

"Jake," he muttered. He had not spoken in what seemed like ages and it sounded appropriate to this fact as well. "I..." he keeled forward, hands upon the ground and tears streaming down his face. "I was too late," he repeated over and over until it sounded not even like a language anymore. Thunder cracked loudly. Water began to pour on to his back, but he did not mind the shivers. Dirt turned to mud nderth him as everything shifted to the darkest night he had ever witnessed. He stopped speaking hours ago.

_Jake please come back can't you see I need you I need you I need you. _

__There was no avoiding it; Dirk's mind was fractured. The ringing in his ears had stopped and had been replaced by a voice that he once knew, repeating things he once thought he heard.

By morning it was still raining. He was cold to the bone but his heart kept him tied to that spot, even if it had been ripped straight out of his chest and strewn across the ground in tattered ribbons. Even as he shivered, shook and sneezed he had no desire to leave. Even as the health he had tried so hard to gather back deteriorated.

"Dirk, oh my gosh what are you doing!"

He said nothing. She covered him with an umbrella.

"Did you stay here all night? Come on, you need to get to a hospital! You're shaking like a leaf. This is dangerous!"


	10. Chapter 8

/-/ Alright guys, this is the last official chapter. I'll have an epilogue of a poem that fits the story, but that'll be it.

This was fun 3 \-\

Chapter 8-

Bright, white lights the room was empty it was always empty except for him he was alone he had always been alone but he was talking he was talking and talking and talking to someone but he was alone.

"Jake?" he asked the air - the emptiness, "Jake, I missed you. Come here."

"You got it! I couldn't stay far from you for too long," the air replied. His skin was greyish blue his hair and clothes were wet and his eyes were milky but he was as beautiful as ever even if when he spoke water came up from his lungs and spilled over his lips which were blue like his skin.

Dirk kissed those blue lips and they were cold and dead but they made him feel alive their love was a paradox he was a paradox.

"Don't leave me like that again."

"I won't. I'm sorry ol' chum, I tried to survive for you."

His skin was so cold and so damp and he bled from where the body of the plane cut him and the fish bit at him but Dirk did not mind blood because he was here and they were not alone.

"I want to be with you forever."

"Then join me."

He nodded. He was scared but if it meant they could stay together then he would do anything to make that happen.

"I'll show up like, the day after I get out, like some sort of serendipitous blessing."

He sealed his fate with a fleeting kiss.


End file.
